Lately, God has been reminding me to simply trust Him. The past week has been a little rough. My hours have slowly been declining at work. I need more hours so that I can save money for the race. I live in a small town where other job openings are few and far between. The other day, I found myself asking, "Lord, why did you bring me here, back home to this town, to this job, if I'm not going to be able to make enough money to save for the race?" He whispered, Trust Me. That was it, just trust Him.
You see, I am a "problem solver". I see a problem, and I have to figure out a way to fix it, right away. The problem right now is that I don't have a lot of money and I'm not getting a lot of hours at work, therefore the money for the race is not going to be there. How can I fix it? I can try to talk to my manager, see if I can work in other departments. I can talk to my boss, but then that would be "going around" my manager and that could cause problems. My mind was spinning in circles as I tried to figure out what I could possibly do. I could try to find another job. Now I am anxious. Trust Me. Why does it have to be so hard?! I want to be in control. I have this need for some grip of control, but as a believer, we are not meant to have control. That belongs to the Lord. I do not mean that we are not to control ourselves, our words, or our actions. We are told several times to have self-control. What I mean is that we are always to submit to God, to His will, to allow Him to have His way in us and through us) In retrospect, I have found that the tighter one grips to control, the situation usually gets worse, not better. So why do I still feel the need to "fix" everything? I don't know. I am only human. But the Lord is teaching me to release ALL my anxiety to Him, to give Him everything, to TRUST HIM in everything, with everything.
I am so worried about the finances for this race. I want to go SO BADLY. I want to change hearts and be changed during the process. My biggest fear right now is that I will not have the funds needed before we launch in July. That is still 7 months away, however time is passing by and $15,500 is a lot of money! Through all my stubbornness and anxiousness, God is still here. He is with me and He is reminding me daily to trust Him. He has provided for me before and He will do so again. All I have to do is trust Him. I found this quote yesterday and it really put things in perspective for me.
"You have trusted Him in a few things, and He has not failed you. Trust Him now for everything, and see if He does not do for you exceeding abundantly above all that you could ever have asked or thought, not according to your power or capacity, but according to His own mighty power, that will work in you all the good pleasure of His most blessed will. You find no difficulty in trusting the Lord with the management of the universe and all the outward creation, and can your case be any more complex or difficult than these, that you need to be anxious or troubled about His management of it?"
Hannah Whitall Smith
Oh Kayla, why do you find it so hard to trust God? He is here, He is with me, and He will provide. This is a learning process. There are things to be learned through the fundraising. There are teachable moments in the next several months that will help prepare me for the road that lies ahead. So when I get anxious, when I am worried and I let the enemies lies to get to me, I will turn and run straight to You. I will whisper (and sometimes yell) that I trust in You and You alone, Lord. I will seek refuge beneath the shadow of Your wings. This was part of my devotional this morning. It is written as if God is speaking directly to you.
"A refuge is a place that provides protection or shelter: a safe haven. It is something you turn to for help, relief, or escape. I am eager to be your Refuge, and I am with you at all times." – "Jesus Today" by Sarah Young
I am learning to trust. I am learning to depend on and rely on the only One who can provide for my needs. God is good. His plans are good and His ways are far better than anything I could possibly come up with on my own. Trusting is hard at times, but when I think of doing this on my own, trusting is the much better choice, because I can't do this on my own. It is all Him. He has provided so far and He will continue to provide.
"Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me! For my soul trusts in You, and in the shadow of Your wings I will make my refuge, until these calamities have passed by." Psalm 57:1
Fundraising Update: I have $868 in my WR account and $760 in my WR savings account. ( I save money from my work checks as well as cash that people give me in my savings account and then send in a check once a month to Adventures in Missions. So all together right now I have $1,628. Praise the Lord! Thank you to all who have given and thank you to all who are praying for me! God is good and He will continue to provide! If you haven't given already, but would like to you can email me at [email protected] or you can click on the "support me" button on the left-hand side of this page. Your donations are tax-deductible and what a great way to sow into the kingdom by helping to send me out to serve "the least of these." May God's glory be shown today in your life! Be blessed my friends and trust in Him! He knows what's up!
