I haven’t written a blog in quite a while. So here’s an honest update!
Last month I was given a new team, and for the first time on the race I wasn’t a team leader. My thoughts “heyyyy ohhhh, vacation!” Haha The switch brought a fresh wind to sit back a little and not have to worry about decision making and all the little things.
However, mid way through the month I found myself feeling just tired. I broke down to my team and shared that I was over it. Over ministry and over being with people non stop. I didn’t feel motivated, I felt exhausted.
My beautifully honest team that they are replied with, “Well duh Katy! You’re burnt out! You gave your everything the last seven months team leading. Now you need some recovery time.” So that’s what I began to do, take a back seat and just worry about Jesus and I. It wasn’t going to be an afternoon of naps, but a process of doing “life giving” things for Katy. To sit down and allow myself to feel the hurts I’ve gathered during the race and heal.
Two weeks pass, and my lovely squad leader Lynda pulls me aside and asks me if I want to be a team leader again? HAHAHA. Wait what? Seriously? Yup, I was being asked to finish my last three months team leading. I processed with her, and then took a couple days to pray about it.
Many thoughts were flying through my noggin! “Am I too burnt out for this?” “Do I want to lead again” “My team deserves a leader who will give it all, is that even possible for me?” I sat down made some pros and cons list and it hit me when I wrote that not leading would be easy, I could just cruise along. The word CRUISE stuck out. Nope. I wasn’t called to the race because it was easy. I didn’t seek out this amazing year to cruise through. I came because I wanted more. I wanted to seek out insane intimacy with The Lord and to push myself deeper then I’ve ever been before.
So, I took it. The Lord shared that this new chapter was going to be the process of me healing in my leadership. My new experiences would replenish my soul and His strength will not only sustain me, but overflow through me. Even though to me, I see a leader who is tired and spent out, he sees a leader willing to obey Him.
It’s okay to be burnt out. It’s okay to hit rough patches and feel over it. Then after you feel what you need to feel, you pick yourself back up, dust yourself off and take the next step hand in hand with Jesus. Because He is our strength. Even when I’m feeling my worst and feel like I have nothing else to give, he’s there telling me “I’m here daughter, don’t worry. I have more joy, energy and love then you can ever imagine and I love to share it!”
Now I’m in one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in one of the most dangerous cities in the world. My team and I live in a small cement room that we also teach in, and have church at. We filter our own water, cook our own food and can’t go anywhere alone. Once it’s dark we are locked in and have a lot of bonding time. I’m great at Killing cucarachas! That’s the nonsense though, what’s awesome is that we work at Le Roca school for children with learning disabilities, or who missed the age cut and are rejected by the public schools. We teach English and help however we can. We also get to work with the schools church, perform skits and do ministry with the neighborhood. Three gang members hang outside our gate to make sure no one messes with us. I would say we’re pretty bad A**.
All that to say, life is hard but Gods got it. He honors our choices and takes our hand when we need some extra support. He’s a God that redeems, refreshes, rejuvenates, renews… lots of R words here people. I plan on finishing my race with some gusto. It takes daily effort to chose to invest and seek people out. And it’s so worth it.
