I hope one day you find
where you belong
and I hope you don’t regret it.
The sky is waiting
and it keeps calling your name.
R.M. Drake
It seemed like just yesterday I was telling everyone around me that I was going to embark on The World Race. I was going on the Spanish Route, which of course was something that was perfectly tailored for me. I mean the minute I saw the route on the website there was a spark that lit up within me. This was my next move, this was my next adventure.
And now I’m here, back home in my room, in my house, in my neighborhood. Well, actually I’m at a coffee shop I love right now, but you get the idea. I have no clue where the last year went. Being back at my starting point feels weird still. I’ve been home just a little over a week, and the last week has seemed a bit like a dream. Some things haven’t changed at all, while other things are completely different. And somewhere in the midst of both all the changes and all the familiar, I’m supposed to feel like I’m home — like I’m back to my comfort zone.
Not fifteen minutes ago I was driving into this shopping complex where Savaya Coffee is located and a man waved me down before I parked. I rolled down my window and he showed me his veteran’s card. He explained if I could help him and his wife with some cash for a motel room. Lots of people are weary or have strong opinions about simply giving people cash — assuming many times their stories aren’t true. But my heart was softened.
“I only have six dollars cash,” I said as I handed over the 5 and the 1. Truthfully it was all I had and it felt a little pathetic. I discerned this man was telling the truth, he seemed very sincere.
“That’s more than anyone has given me all day,” he replied, eyes wide. “Thank you so much, miss. People just haven’t been nice at all today.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “God bless you.”
Six dollars. My six dollars turned his whole day around. What a sad reality for so many in my own hometown. I realized once again how blessed I truly am.
So here I am, sitting in my cute coffee shop and trying to think about what to type because it’s time to write my “I’m Home” blog. I think about how even in the midst of all my emotions and being stuck in my own world of coping with reentry, God still finds a way to orchestrate divine encounters. I’m not saying my six bucks changed that man’s life, but I am saying that I was blessed to be able to bless someone in a tangible way. I was humbled that God gave me that opportunity, when most of what I’ve done is try to have “me” time, which I feel entitled to.
It’s been one week and already I’ve been tested in many ways. My peace has been tested. My trust in the LORD and His perfect timing. My desire for answers. The past few days have been spent in hours of prayer and Bible and journaling and worship and all those good things. That’s one perk of life right now – I literally can dedicate all the time I want to focusing on Him and hearing His voice.
In these past couple days the LORD lead me back to two verses He gave me specifically Month 1 (my favorite month) in El Salvador. I was reading back through my journal, which is full of scratch marks, quotes, verses, questions, reflections, and tear stains. I went back to the beginning of the race, and of course, there were the words that He had specifically given me Month 1 of my race, knowing full well I’d need them a million times more come “Month 12,” when a new chapter would begin:
Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD. Psalm 27:14 (NLT)
The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me…
Psalm 138:8 (ESV)
These are words to cling to regardless of where you are in life. They are always true — but believing them fully can be challenging. I feel like I’ve walked into the aftermath of a storm almost. Things around me are calm, but I myself am not. Things are settling into place at their own pace, but I still have this pent up momentum.
How does one find stillness in the aftermath?
Praise the LORD who has given rest to his people Israel, just as he promised. 1 Kings 8:56
I waited patiently for the LORD to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. Psalm 40:1
It’s only in Him. I can’t fix it or make it happen. I can’t rely on anyone, much less myself, to bring me to a place of peace. It’s the constant realization that He is the only source. Seems basic. It is.
So here I am, trying to take one day at a time. For 11 months I knew where I was going (Not what I would be doing — ask any Racer, we sometimes hardly knew from one day to the next what was in store). But in general, there was a layout and a plan. The 11 months are done. The transition to what comes has begun. Transitions can be hard, especially when you don’t know how long they’ll last. I don’t know what to do with myself most of these days. Most things are still pretty overwhelming.
But one thing remains constant: The LORD’s presence in my life. Every day I ask for His peace, and every day He gives it freely. I want to continually walk in it, I will not let the enemy take it from me. I choose to walk in faith, knowing that the best is yet to come.
Thank you to everyone who covered me in prayer this year. I ask for prayer still, as I move forward. God bless you all always — Que Dios los bendiga siempre.
x
Katrina Palazuelos Rico
