There’s this painted wooden sign hung up in my room back home that says, “Live Like a Wildflower.” People have asked what that means and all I could say was, “I just feel like it’s for me. Like I’m a wildflower.” I couldn’t really explain it, to be honest. I just knew when I saw it that it was meant for me, so I bought it and hung it up in my room in a place I could always see it.
I remember back during Month 1 in El Salvador, my squad leader Kat prayed for me and said she had gotten this image of me walking through this forest, pressing forward. I proceeded to climb this huge tree and when I was at the top, before me lay this vast expanse of wildflowers, and much more in the distance. She felt the Lord was telling me, “Keep going, Look at everything I still have in store for you.”
This year has been a continual searching for what God has for me, but it’s not something that is simply contained within the 11 months of this Race. No, it’s just the beginning of me diving in headfirst to all of these new things. It’s the beginning of letting go of all these inhibitions and insecurities I used to still hang on to. It’s the beginning of opening myself up and loving like Jesus loves. A couple of weeks ago, during our debrief in Costa Rica, I was telling Kat that the further I went along in this Race, the more I felt like I was finding out who I really was, but yet, the more I felt like I almost didn’t even know myself anymore. It’s a weird back and forth. It’s a continual anchoring of my soul in Christ, a continual pursuit of Him, a continual battle to die to self to find my true self.
I know that God wanted me to leave home, to go far, far away from it all to begin to see and discover the woman He wants me to be. I’m still not entirely sure who she is. I’m also quite sure that she will always be a working process, as I continue to walk with Him for the rest of my life.
This particular morning, I was feeling thirsty, both physically and spiritually. Physically, because we are back in Panama City and it is hot, hot, hot here. Spiritually, because I was desiring to hear something from the LORD. The image of the wildflower and that sign back in my room came back to me. I went back to Luke 12:27-28, 32 which says:
“Look at the lilies and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?
“So don’t be afraid, little flock. For it gives your Father great happiness to give you the Kingdom.”
This morning, my Father is telling me that I am just like one of those lilies out in his field, and that He has made me beautifully free. When I worry about the future or about how He has made me, and so forth, I am going against the very nature of who He created me to be. He is telling me to live like a wildflower, because that means freedom and joy in Him.
My teammate Mollie recently gave me two verses that resonated so deeply in me. First was Colossians 2:7, “Let your roots grown down into Him, and let your lives be built on Him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught and you will overflow with thankfulness.” Second was Colossians 3:13, “And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts.”
Clearly, there seems to be a running theme in my life. People have spoken freedom and peace into my life, and I want to walk in these things. My mom had told me just last month when I was in Nicaragua that a Pastor she knows had prayed that this year I would find my identity in Christ, and more and more I am walking into what that is, as He reveals Himself to me every day.
He tells me, Tranquila, mi florecita (Peace, my little flower)
I created You, I delight in You, I have a purpose for You.
