I’m coming home!
Nine months later.
266 days. 38 weeks.
4 countries, 11 airplanes, 5 pairs of headphones, millions of mosquito bites, so many laughs and tears, hundreds of cuts and bruises that have come and gone, and 1 pair of chacos later, I’m finally coming home.
It has been nine months since I’ve had normal food consistently.
Nine months since I’ve hugged my family.
Nine months since I’ve driven a car.
Nine months since I’ve looked like a normal person. (But hey, I know how to rock the missonary look now!)
For the past nine months, I’ve learned, and grown, been pushed out of every comfort zone I have, made new friends, and learned how to love like Jesus.
For the past nine months, I’ve lived life completely different than anything I’ve ever known.
I know everyone is very curious, and wants to know more, and I would love to talk about my trip with anyone who will listen.
But if you ask me how my trip was, don’t expect a one or two word answer.
I don’t have one.
My life has been life to me.
It’s very different from how people in America live, and from how I used to live.
But it quickly became very normal to me.
So, to help you picture what the last (almost) year of my life has looked like, I’ll try my best to show you.
It’s been nine months of not speaking the language around me.
Nine months of standing out like a celebrity everywhere you go.
Nine months of doing my own laundry. And most of the time, that was hand washing.
Nine months of missing my family, sometimes so fiercely I could actually feel an ache in my chest.
Nine months of eating weird food. Mostly carbs. Yes, weight is my biggest suveneir.
But bugs, squid, goat, and lots of other things are all on the list as well…
Nine months of not having my bed, or a bed at all. Yep, concrete floors never get comfortable, no matter how much practice you have.
Nine months of huge scary bugs.
Nine months of not being able to go anywhere by myself.
Nine months of weird, dangerous, illnesses.
My list grows with each place I go.
Nine months of the same 40 people. So, if you like ‘em or not, you will. Because you’re stuck with ‘em. 🙂
Nine months of choosing. Choosing to love. Choosing to forgive. Choosing joy. Choosing to have a good day. Choosing Jesus.
Nine months of seeing new places. This can be thrilling, or terrifying, or sometimes just really sketchy, and it makes you laugh.
(It’s not funny when the doctor’s office is sketchy though. Or the food, or the water…)
Nine months of laughing so hard. And loving the people around me so much, that I could almost forget I miss home.
Nine months of crying at least once a week.
And then weeping at least every month.
Nine months of feeling so close to God. And falling in love with him again and again.
Nine months of learning the exchange rates.
Nine months of ATM fees… killer.
(Charles Schwabb refunds them though. So it’s all good!)
Nine months of real schetchy public transportation. I have so many stories, that I will probably not be telling my mother…..
Nine months of missing events at home.
Like the musical that finally came to my town, when I’m not there. Oh, and birthdays and holidays. Missing Christmas was hard.
Nine months of listening to the same songs on my phone, over and over and over.
Nine months of the same 5 outfits. Or an occasional “new shirt” that was a teammate’s, and we traded.
Nine months of hardly ever having wifi.
Nine months of airplane mode.
Nine months of smiling at strangers, to show them that not all Americans are jerks.
Nine months of pouring into ministry. Ready or not, Jesus time or not. Good day or bad.
Ministry is the reason for the season. (Literally, it’s only been one season. Summer)
Nine months of getting to show people that Jesus is crazy about them.
Nine months of seeing poverty on a daily basis.
Nine months of being filled up and loved on by a friend.
Nine months of knowing that you are not alone.
Nine months of seeking Jesus more than you thought was possible. And realizing you literally cannot make it without his presence in your life.
Nine months of having your heart broken for the people around you.
Nine months, and four countries later, I’m coming home.
I will never be the same.
I will never look at things the same way.
I will forever tell jokes and stories, that probably no one will understand.
I will never forget this time.
It has been the hardest year of my life.
But it has also been one of the best years of my life.
I came on this trip to need Jesus. To grow in my relationship with him.
And boy, did I.
I should warn you to be careful what you ask for, but then you might be afraid to ask for the impossible.
I have never been in love with Jesus before.
I have been a christian since I was young.
I went to church all my life.
I knew memory verses.
But I never fell in love with Jesus.
Until now.
Until I set aside time in my life to find him.
And find him I did.
I found that Jesus is everything.
He is in the breeze. In the moon and stars.
In the people that walk by. In every place I go, and in every breath I breathe.
He is always around me, waiting for me to turn and see him.
He writes me love notes, and sends little messages throughout my day to tell me he is still in love with me.
He is fascinating. He is a mystery that will never be solved. He is creative. So creative.
He is strong, and bold, and funny, and I guarantee he’s a stud.
And I know without a doubt that he is in love with me.
His love has changed me.
It set me free from fear, from insecurities, from anger, and from myself.
I will gladly give myself up everyday for the rest of my life, for more of him.
My spirit burns with a passion for him.
He made me brave.
He gave me strength to do things I never thought I would be able to.
He turned my world upside down, and now it seems to all work so much better.
I’d like to say, that coming home is going to be a piece of cake.
That I’ll adjust to life. And that it’ll be even better because of the lessons I’ve learned.
I’m still human though. (Unfortunately)
I will make mistakes.
I will hurt people.
I will screw up. Sometimes knowingly.
I will be emotional sometimes.
So, for that, I apologize in advance.
I’ve heard that re-entering is hard.
That some people curl up in a dark hole and watch Netflix for 2 weeks.
That others get overwhelmed, and stessed out all the time.
And that some people are completely fine.
I don’t know what it will look like for me.
(Sorry family…)
I do know that Jesus is with me, and that he is still in love with me. No matter what happens.
If you see me, give me grace and patience.
I will get there.
If I start crying, just give me a hug and ice cream. Ice cream fixes everything.
If I get frustrated, just tell me to go spend time with Jesus.
Actually, pretty much any situation, just tell me to go spend time with Jesus.
Jesus fixes everything.
I will work my hardest to not be a crazy weepy-tear-ball. 😉
Honestly, as hard as this trip has been, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
I have learned so many irreplaceable lessons. Ones that are, and will continue to shape my life.
I have learned freedom.
Freedom in its truest form.
Abandoning everything to God, for whatever he has in store.
Hurt, anger, guilt, love, joy, hope. Everything.
And what he handed me was healing.
He took my little hands, still clenching to what I thought was important, and gently released them.
He gave me so much more than anything I could ever hold onto.
He gave me himself.
And he is big. He is a mystery that I will be busy with the rest of my life.
So, if you ask me about my trip, I will probably start talking for an hour.
And it will probably end up sounding like a sermon. Sorry.
But I’m in love. And I can’t help but talk about it.
I love you all. And I can’t wait to see you.
Don’t be a stranger! Come see me! If you have questions or want to know more about my trip, I’d love to talk with you over coffee or something!
I’d love to know how your year was too! What has God been doing in your life? Any cool stories?
Thank you to everyone who read my blogs all year. Messaged me with encouraging words. Prayed for me. Wrote me notes. Or even liked my pictures. You guys are great.
I would always find your messages and comments on my blogs on days when I was the most discouraged!
It meant more than you will ever know.
Love you all!
Watch out, America. I’m coming home!
