I was in chains. Jesus rescued me from a life of slavery to fear. I am a new creation. I feel so free and whole.
I feel like a giddy school girl. I realized it’s because I fell in love with Jesus. I have “known” Jesus my whole life, but never like this. I had never actually felt His love. (Probably cause I was too busy chasing other things) I had never been in love with Jesus before. I think it’s because He had to peel away so many layers that I had never wanted (or had time) to deal with before. Now, I want Him to change me every day.
As I get to know Jesus more, the more he wants. And the more I want from Him.
Unfortunately, I’m not easily satisfied anymore. And I find myself wanting more. Wanting more of God. Because he is the only one who can truly satisfy me. That doesn’t scare Him though. He always has more to give me.
I’m finding that He wants everything I am. He wants my time, my heart, my tears, my hope, my doubts, and my life. He wants the bad, and the good. The pain, and the sorrow along with the joy and dancing. He wants to lead me into the sunshine. Not leave me to deal with my hurts and sin in the dark. I tried to tell Him that it wasn’t a pretty sight. That I’m sinful, and insecure, and unworthy, but he doesn’t care. He wants it all.
I used to wish I had more to give. Or at least that I had it all together, so Jesus would be proud of me. But while I was busy trying to make me filthy clothes look presentable to a king, he was trying to show me His love for me. He already loves me, even at my worst. Even when I am full of doubts about my worth, or my looks, or my purpose, he is sitting there with His arm around me. Just waiting for me to look over at Him. Just waiting to tell me that He is not ashamed of me. That He is so proud of how He made me. And that He cannot wait to use me in His plan.
When I finally looked over at Jesus, he was smiling. I could feel His smile.
How could He love me, even when I have nothing to show or impress Him?
Then I realized it. I am His creation. I am me. To me, that isn’t much. Just plain old me. But to Jesus, I am His creation that brings Him joy. He asked me if I could see His smile in the rain? Or feel His hugs in the wind? And told me that nothing I could do or not do, will ever change how much he loves me. My life doesn’t have to be about performing for God. Because there is no way I could be more loved than I am now.
That is why I am in love with Jesus. And why I could sit in His presence for hours. Just letting Him sweep over me. I want to be in His love the rest of my life. I never want to leave it again. So, I will follow God where ever or to whoever he takes me. Anywhere He takes me, I will go. He is part of everything I am now. And He has promised that He will never leave my side. Till the very end.
“Because He bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath.” Psalms 116:2
