We were asked to write a blog about how we felt before leaving on this mission trip. Here is what I’m expecting…
Shortly after I told my family I signed up for a year long missions trip, I had a conversation with my brother that scared me. To get to the point, he said that I was unstable and didn’t think things through. The more I tried to ignore what he was saying… the more I believed him. It’s true. I am unstable and I tend to go with impulses over thought out solutions or theories…or choices. That conversation is when the full effect of the World Race hit me. I have no fear of cultures or tribulation…. Community living…I have no fear of living out of my suitcase for Jesus… and being broke doing it. I have no fear of telling people about the great love I have found in Christ. I have no fear of physical challenges or roughing it. The one thing I fear most is being a disappointment. If I make this commitment and don’t get the money, I will have failed. I have failed too many times and it takes so much to bounce back from disappointment. The mistrust is heartbreaking for me.
Through the course of preparing for this upcoming year I have had to constantly remind myself that I am a new creation. That God is constantly at work in me… and in the world… and even though I have bad habits… and destructive behavior, He has called me to fight against it. He has called me to change. We are called to die to our old selves and live for Christ. Romans 12:2 “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will.” This has become my verse for the race. Right before verse two it says (Romans 12:1) “…to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship.” That’s what I am expecting out of this trip. I want to worship.
God has my heart… now he has my life. I expect to sacrifice my wants for His work. I expect to be transformed. I expect my life to not be my own, but a vessel that God uses to carry out His good, pleasing, and perfect will.
