What started out as an update letter soon became what is now this blog article. I sat down to write out my update letter and I turned on Jason Upton to fill the silence of the house. The first song passed and I had nothing written. The second song passed and I still had nothing written. I sat back in my chair and started to focus on the words being sung. That’s when God broke me. Somewhere around the words “to you I give my life, not just the parts I want to…” the tears were flowing full force.
All the struggles of my life started pouring out in my tears. All my hurts and fears were flowing down the front of my face and I couldn’t stop them. Soon after the tears started to flow came the flow of memories, memories that I try not to remember. I gave into the temptation to scream… it came out in a whimper. I continued to let the tears flow… the really harsh memories graduated from tears to sobs. All the while Jason is still belting out lyrics that are speaking straight to my soul “… to you I give my past…”
A good deal through the CD I ran out of memories… and tears. I felt relieved. Empty. Free. So free. Still a little shaky from it, I sat there at the blank at the computer screen. Still stunned, I started to write out what I just happened. I asked God to fill me with forgiveness and compassion; as soon as I thought it… it slammed into me, causing a new rush of tears. Restoration is so sweet.
I’m calm now. I’m still a little emotional and I’m defiantly ready for bed. Tomorrow is going to be a great day, walking in new found freedom.
