Not to long ago I found myself living in the desert. Not a real desert, it was a spiritual dry spell of my life. It seemed to me that I had nothing going for me. I was searching and thirsting for life. I clung to everything. I clung to people, to past memories, any sense of security I could find. I hid behind the busyness of life, hoping that if I didn’t have time to think about all my wrong choices in life, I would wake up one day and everything would be blissful. I felt desperate for God. Desperate for direction. Desperate for change. I saw no end to the rut I was in.
I want to take you along with me as I “turn a new leaf”. I have begun a journey of seeking direction, of seeking change… of seeking God. I want to be open and vulnerable, so I can learn the true meaning of being “real.” It’s a difficult state to be in for me, but how can I change if I don’t have anyone to hold me accountable… and how can we see the fruit (of change) if we don’t know where I came from. I have a lot of pride to loose, and I am taking the first steps in getting over myself by saying that I have failed. It’s a harsh word to write, but I am learning to accept it. There is almost liberation in writing it. I have failed a lot of people’s hopes and dreams for me and I am truly sorry. I hope that you can forgive me… as I am learning to forgive myself.
I am excited about this change and excited about the challenges that are a head of me. Happiness… true joy… is knowing and doing what God has called me to do.
Thank you for letting me share.
