Dear Readers,
A quick update from the field–Our India visas took longer than expected, so we spent all of month 5 in South Africa. We will be spending December in Swaziland and bypassing Mozambique entirely due to time and civil unrest.
South Africa part 2 has been such a gift. We've been tenting on a church property with a beautiful overlook on the mountains–the sunsets are gorgeous! Our squad mates Phil and Michelle have been cooking us amazing meals. And God has been showing up.
For the first four months of the Race, I saw myself growing in baby steps, but I wanted breakthrough in big ways. Here in South Africa, that breakthrough came. The areas I wanted breakthrough in were love for God, personal experiences with God, and greater passion.
The first sign of breakthrough was a conversation I had with our squad mentor, Erin. As I was sharing with her my desires for breakthrough, I started sobbing. Through my tears, I realized that if I wanted to love God so badly it made me cry, then that prayer was answered, that desire realized.
The next step in breakthrough was trying something new in squad worship. For over two years now, I haven't felt God's presence in worship, and I wanted it so badly. Our squad leaders encouraged us to try something new in worship in order to experience something new, so despite fears of looking like a fool, I started dancing during worship. At first it felt really awkward and I had to force myself to do it, but after a few times it came naturally and brought such freedom. (If I've learned anything from the Race, it is this–you can never tell what something is like from the outside. You have to jump in and give it a solid try. You usually end up enjoying it, even if it looked intimidating or ridiculous from the outside.)
The other breakthrough was realizing that worship isn't about me–it's about God. So during worship I stopped worrying about me and was I feeling anything, and I just focused on praising God. The whole point of worship is loving on God, so as long as I did that, my worship night was a success.
But God is a good Father who gives good gifts to his children, so He decided to let me enjoy worship as well. The night we moved in to our campsite, I wasn't tired, so after everyone had gone to bed, I grabbed my iPod and listened to the WOW worship cd. I was immediately overwhelmed with love and amazement at God, and I ran into a field to sing at the top of my lungs and dance like a fool. The whole time I was praising, lightning was streaking across the night sky (I love lightning and I love the night sky). It was glorious! Eventually, I reluctantly went to bed, but God woke me up in the morning the same way I went to bed. I grabbed my iPod and ran outdoors to sing, dance, and worship.
There have been multiple other awesome worship sessions since then, as well as an increased interest in the Word and quiet times. But the best part is the healing that has been wrought in my heart. I couldn't quite place my finger on it, but there was definite anger and mistrust of God lingering in my heart from my two years of brokenness. I would occasionally try to sniff it out and dig it up, but I never could quite do it. But ever since this breakthrough, it has been gone. His goodness washing over me washed away my doubts and accusations. I hope I can remember what I've learned–that God is good, even when circumstances seem to contradict that. I just have to have faith like a child, a child who knows that her Dad can see the big picture and she can't. A child who knows that her Dad is a Redeemer who redeems the blackest of situations. I have to remember Joseph, who endured 20 years of slavery and imprisonment, but retained his faith through it all, came out second in command of Egypt, saved the lives of the entire world, and made God known to the entire world.
My life is just beginning, and God only knows what lies ahead, but it's going to be something beautiful, wonderful, incredible. It's the plan He has for us all. Are you in?
Love
Katie
