As some of you may know from reading my teammates’ blogs, our ministry this month is called Zoe International Christian School. Zoe has a lot of different purposes like being a school, a church, and a Bible college. The people here are so intentional and honestly view us, the missionaries, as the mission field. How amazing is that? Since we’ve been here we have been fed in ways so much greater than the physical. Everyone we are surrounded by is constantly looking for different ways to minister to and serve us, all hoping that we leave more filled with the Holy Spirit than ever before.
While I’ve met a lot of fantastic people so far (shout out to Jeison, Margareth, Moises, Keyla just to name a few), there’s one in particular that has caused some interesting things to come out in me. A few weeks before we arrived, a couple came to Costa Rica looking to teach English and had their worlds rocked when they met a squad leader from a Gap Year team that was also serving at Zoe. Michael and Robin have since become an integral part of the ministry here at Zoe and have jumped right in to disciple us and pour themselves out for the church. The first time I met Robin I immediately felt my whole being shift. She reminded me so much of someone who hurt me deeply growing up and I felt my guard fly up and shut her out. It wasn’t just that Robin and Sue* resembled each other. They have the same mannerism, gestures, and phrases. Sometimes if I’m not paying close enough attention I catch myself almost calling her Sue’s name, if my eyes are closed it’s like Sue is in the room, not Robin. Kinda creepy, right?
You see, the last few months God has been putting women in my life that are similar to Sue but not exactly. There were enough differences between Sue and these women that I could dismiss what God was trying to do. With Robin there’s no dismissing who she reminds me of and there’s no explaining it away. God wants to change my emotional atmosphere.
I didn’t realize how much unforgiveness I had been harboring towards Sue. At training camp when we discussed unforgiveness she wasn’t even on my radar. I’ve compartmentalized the memories and stuffed her away so far that the subtle signs God was showing me wouldn’t do the trick. I needed to be woken up to the truth.
Every time Robin comes around I have to consciously remind myself “This is not Sue. Do not treat Robin as if she has offended you. She is good, she is kind, she cares for you. Allow her to do that.” As hard as it is, the ice is beginning to melt. Last night Robin gave us our devotion which turned in to a different and much needed conversation about God placing different things/people in your life for healing. When I told Robin what was going on, she didn’t get offended and she didn’t act hurt. She responded in a way that I had always really needed. She responded in love.
Jordie constantly jokes “God wants to heal you, God wants to heal you” in a sing-song way whenever I throw up my guard and she’s right. God wants to heal a wound so deep I didn’t even realize it was there. Isn’t that cool? He knows exactly what we need, exactly when we need it and goodness does He provide. I hope that over the next few weeks here there will be a lot of walls taken down and a lot of forgiveness given. I hope that as this happens I can get closer to Robin instead of shut her out. I hope that I allow God to do things in my life I never knew were possible.
Prayer warriors will you come along side me in this? Pray for forgiveness, pray for healing, pray for peace. Some things just aren’t as easy as they seem.
Our month is halfway over WHAT THE WHAT! I can’t wait to see what God has in store for us here and the way He will move.
Love always & Pura vida!
Katie
*Name changed for privacy purposes.
Support raising update: I am $1,466 away from my next deadline of $13,000 by November 30th. WHAAAAAT! If you’re able, please prayerfully consider donating to help me meet that goal. God has provided so much already, I know that He won’t stop now! Thank y’all for how far y’all have gotten me so now let’s finish this thing!
