“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4
When someone becomes a Christian, there is sometimes this assumption that everything will be “sunshine and roses” after that point. There will be no pain, no hardship, nothing to cause them any doubt. In all honesty, sometimes becoming a Christian, accepting Jesus as your Lord and Savior, sometimes that’s the hardest move you can make. Sometimes family members turn away from you out of misunderstanding or fear. Sometimes friends don’t get why you make the decisions you do. Sometimes God challenges you to grow in an area you don’t think is possible to budge in. Here I am, finding myself in THAT season of growth. And by season I mean hurricane, I am in the middle of a hurricane of change.
As a senior in college, I’m looking at a lot of lasts. Today I wrapped up the last fall semester of my undergrad career (YIKES!). In two weeks I’ll have my last work Christmas party. In four weeks I’ll start my last JanTerm with Converse and then about a month after that I’ll start my last spring semester. I’ll have my last round of formals, my last Spring Festival, my last round of finals (which I can’t thank God enough for, am I right). In my personal life I just had my last birthday and Thanksgiving and am about to have my last Christmas, New Years, Lent, Easter, and all of the other holidays between now and October with my family before leaving on the greatest adventure possible.
As trivial as some of those seem, I see God working underneath that. I’ve carried a lot of resentment around towards certain family members because of choices they made that changed the course of my life. Thanksgiving and Christmas are especially hard because these are the times I have to stare those decisions in the face and decide how I’m going to handle them this go around. If any of you have ever struggled with resentment or with being hurt then you know that it poisons the way you treat the people who hurt you. It ruins relationships and sometimes you can’t even remember why.
Remember that season of growth I mentioned? Let’s all collectively wave at it as the rain pours and the wind whips everything around me in to place. In this season of “lasts” I see God pointing to a completely different list. He’s pointing to a list of “firsts.” I see Him challenging me to let this be the first holiday season I choose forgiveness instead of anger. Let this be the first semester I enjoy the people I’m with and make the most of my time left. Let this be the first time I allow myself to be completely Alive and Free in Christ Jesus (where my Fuge fam at?!) and love without hesitation.
Letting go is hard, and it’s even harder when you see a deadline looming. “Katie, you have ten more months to get everything right before you leave. You have ten more months to make everything perfect.” Well nothing is perfect and things don’t always have to be “right” but I can love the people in my life with every fiber of my being with the time I have left and I can be the best Katie possible for the first time in my life.
As I sit a week out from the anniversary of the most painful day of my life I am choosing joy. I choose to be thankful for doctors who save lives and the divine intervention of a person I have never met. Maybe it’s the song I was listening to as I got ready, maybe it took me six months to learn a lesson I spent an entire summer teaching, or maybe God just wanted me to wake up. This is going to be my last day of lasts. I choose to make this a season of firsts. I choose to make this a season of joy.
“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” James 1:12.
I hope God blesses each of you as you go in to this holiday season and I hope that when things get hard each of you choose joy.
Love always,
Katie
