It’s Not About Me

 

This month we are partnering with a church in Ulaan Baatar, Mongolia. The congregation is like a family, and though they are a small group they are eager to grow. The church leaders have invited us to be a part of their family for the month in hopes that we could connect with young people in the city and bring them to church. Each night we have special events like game night, English lessons, and even a really fun open mic night. Each day we go out and try to strike up conversations, meet English speakers, befriend young people, and invite them to our evening programs.
From day one I knew that this month had such amazing potential. I felt like I was being given a task that is not only an important and worthwhile task but also well suited to me. Some of the hardest months are the ones where you know your ministry could be done better by a local. This month, however, as foreigners we have a special opportunity because young people wanting to practice their English are immediately drawn to us and interested in spending time with us. I was so excited to really bless this church doing something I actually really enjoy- building friendships.

The month started strong, and I was enjoying it as much as I had expected I would, but it wasn’t long before I started struggling. Days when I went out but didn’t make any connections started to wear on me. I was frustrated, convinced that I needed to be bolder and more invested. I felt so guilty about wasted time and disconnected from my team because no one else seemed to care. So I started trying harder. I stopped going to coffee shops to try to meet people because it just didn’t seem to be working. I tried new things like riding the bus, hanging out in the town square, and walking around a museum. Some days the harder I tried the less successful I felt. When I got on the bus intending not to get off until I invited someone to church, the squadmate I was with needed to talk. It was a good conversation but before I knew it we got to the end of the line with no connections. When we got a guy from the church to help us get to a museum he ended being the only local we talked to the whole time. I felt defeated but couldn’t talk about it because my teammates kept saying I was being too hard on myself.

This past weekend I was planning on spending the afternoon relaxing when a woman came to the church and asked us to come talk to her daughter and teenage grandson about The Lord. Brooke, Pablo, and I went with her and were warmly welcomed into a home of English speakers who were very interested in hearing about who we were and what brought us to Mongolia. We had a lovely dinner with them, shared our testimonies, and left with phone numbers and plans to get together this week. It left me feeling so content. I thanked God for setting up this appointment for me.
Monday is our off day. Today I went out to a coffee shop with some of the girls to get wifi and hang out. Low and behold, a guy around our age sits down next to us and strikes up a conversation. We had a great conversation and in the end I invited him to come to church and he happily accepted! At this point I had to laugh.
In a way I want to be irritated. These past couple days only confirm what my teammates were saying. Stop trying so hard and just let God bring ministry to you. I’m so reluctant to embrace that though! It seems very wrong to me to go on a missions trip and spend days just hanging out, doing what you want to do, and call it ministry because you’re open to seizing opportunities as they come.
But I’ve come to realize there is another very wrong thing to do on a missions trip. And I have done this very wrong thing… To go on a missions trip and treat people like projects and approach outreach like something to check off a to-do list. I was miserable last week because I felt unproductive. It was about me. I didn’t come to Mongolia to improve my self concept.

So I’m finding there’s a balance. I don’t want to waste my time sightseeing and using the internet, because then it feels like I came here for myself. But at the same time I don’t want to twist ministry into being all about me and feeling good about what I can accomplish for God. See how either way I’m turning the focus on myself?
With my last week in Ulaan Baatar I want to keep my focus on Jesus and what He is already doing here. That’s the real reason I came after all. When we fly to China in 7 days I don’t want to be taking credit or feeling guilty about what did or didn’t happen, and I know I won’t as long as every day is about balance and being ready and willing for whatever He presents me with…

Whether that be praying for my squadmate on a bus, spending the afternoon encouraging a church member, or inviting a nonbeliever to church.