When There’s No Escape

I’m kind of a bailer. Let’s say I was a bailer; I’m in recovery now. In the past I’ve been that person who’s first to jump ship when things start going south. It’s why I didn’t get far with my flute lessons, why it seems okay to me to end arguments by leaving the house, and why so many of my friendships fall apart when tension or conflict make things too uncomfortable.
I knew I was a bailer before the World Race, and I knew it wasn’t good. I tried to change and I was making some progress. But as long as I had the option to bail, it was sometimes too hard to resist. Then I signed up for the Race. I gave up my right to choose my friends and I agreed to let them turn up the heat a bit and honestly it presented me with the perfect setting to make some real headway with this issue.
Because on the Race… you can’t escape.
That girl that’s just really hard to be with? Yeah, get used to being her roommate. Not to mention coworker, ministry partner, and apparently best friend because you hang out all day every day. When you’re put on a team it becomes like family- you don’t get to pick who you’re with and you gotta love them no matter what. It doesn’t matter whether or not they get you or like you or make you feel warm and fuzzy- this is it.
I’ve had times I’ve wanted to get away from people. Honestly I’ve already had several of those moments this month! If we were in the States I could… But we aren’t. And praise God, because it’s making me into such a better friend, better sister, and better follower of Jesus.

Now when I want to escape, I have to handle the situation instead. And because of that, I have to really examine my heart each time and weigh out how big of a deal it is. Am I going to just let it go… or is this weighty enough that I want to approach the other person to talk about it? If we are going to talk, I need to pray first. What part did I play in the conflict and what do I need to take responsibility for? As I’m praying, my heart is changing. The Lord leads me to see His children the way He sees them, which leads to me love them more. Confrontation is uncomfortable but working through it breeds respect, trust, and intimacy. When people know they can be their true selves without risking rejection and abandonment, the masks come off and people experience powerful growth. So worth it.
So there you have it. Confessions of a recovering bailer. It’s still really hard at times, but I remind myself that Jesus is always with me- through the pretty and the not-so-pretty times. As His hands and feet it’s my aim to reflect His unconditional love. That means no bailing when the going gets tough.
Although I think I may have made the right choice with quitting flute lessons.