What makes mountains so alluring? Giants heaps of rock that jut up out of the face of the earth- we are positively stunned by their beauty. Maybe in part there’s something about the shape or the color, or even the combination, but likely you’ll agree it’s the size that captures our hearts. Like sleeping giants they tower and loom over man and many of us can’t help but feel compelled to climb them. Mountains and immovable and indestructible, two things humans are not. I think that there is something in a man that wants to conquer a mountain in order to prove that he has something of that in himself. I thought I had a little something of it in me, but this past December I was reminded of just how very un-mountainlike I am.
I had the great pleasure of living in gorgeous Nepal for a month, surrounded by mountains. Baglung is one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been, on the Race or otherwise. I couldn’t get enough of the rolling hills and snow-capped peaks. My mind almost immediately starting going to Bible verses that talk about mountains.
Psalm 121:1-2 I lift my eyes unto the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.
Isaiah 52:7 How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news, who publishes peace, who brings good news of happiness, who publishes salvation, who says to Zion, “Your God reigns.”
Matthew 17:20 “… Truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”
That last verse though… That gave me pause. If I had faith… like a grain of a mustard seed? That doesn’t leave me feeling too encouraged.
As I sat there surrounded by these breathtaking, immovable peaks, I felt like I needed to defend myself against Jesus’ words in Matthew. Because if He’s really saying that faith that tiny can move mountains… well, then, what is He trying to say about my faith, which as of yet has not empowered me to anything quite so miraculous?
I wanted credit for having a lot of faith. Okay, Jesus, I may not be able to move mountains with my faith, but can You cut me some slack? I gave up my life for a year to come on this trip! Doesn’t that count for something? Ketchup seed maybe?
The thing is, the longer I wrestled with it the more I started to see that the amount of faith I have really is nothing more than a pathetic, smaller-than-a-mustardseed blip. At home, I felt like my faith was pretty strong. Yet as I examined myself in Nepal, I was discouraged because I felt like my faith had weakened since coming on the Race. I had so many new questions born out of hurt and serious confusion. In a world so broken, why can’t I see the Hand of God? Why didn’t He answer my prayers for that child’s healing? What’s the point of evangelism if God can change hearts without my help? And even more doubts and questions. I feared that I would have been better off if I had stayed home in my comfortable, non-challenging bubble.
But it was there that God reassured me. I’m not going backwards. My faith is not getting weaker.
At home I felt stronger because I wasn’t being tested to the extent that I am now.
If I go to the gym for weeks and always use the machines at the lowest settings, I might feel pretty good about how long I can run for or how much lifting I can do. But if I really want to build muscle I need to push myself… Lift a little more than I’ve lifted before, run faster and long than is comfortable. Sure, it might make me feel defeated at times and I’ll probably feel weaker than I did when I was taking it easy, but I’m not actually any weaker. The strength I had before is the same I have when the going gets tough, it’s only the challenge that has increased.
Romans 5 says that we as Christians “rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit…”
I can say from experience that this promise is true. I’ve already begun to reap the endurance, character, and hope that comes from testing and suffering. I still don’t feel like I have enough faith to move a mountain, but by the grace of God I’m getting there.
