Fasting seems to be one of those things that people on the Race do a lot. I don’t mean only fasting from food, though some do that. World Racers fast from all kinds of things: from internet, from soda, and from spending personal money. Each time that I heard about someone fasting I asked myself if I should be doing the same. Usually my quick response was “Um no. Not for no good reason…” I never want to make spiritual choices based on peer pressure. So I used the internet, drank my soda, and spent or saved my personal money however I saw fit.
Then one night during our last week in Albania my beautiful (inside and out) team leader Emily was having a soda craving. You guessed it, she is fasting from it for the entirety of the Race. In her moment of weakness she turned to me and asked “Katie, remind me why I’m not drinking soda!” To which I gave the very inspirational response of “Uh, because of God? Or something?” Emily laughed at me and said she thought she needed to explain her fast a little more. She told me that she realized that she found too much comfort in having a Coke and wanted to go to The Lord to have that need met. I liked the sound of that but my first thought was that I don’t have anything like that in my life. That was my first thought. My second thought (or was it the Holy Spirit speaking to me?) was makeup. Fast from makeup in Moldova.
first thing in the morning
A lot of people go without makeup on the World Race, but that’s not how I envisioned my Race. I get a whole lot of comfort from makeup. Just putting on mascara and concealer, maybe touching up my eyebrows with a pencil, makes me feel so much better. I am more confident, happier, can I say even a little more valuable? When I’m upset, being able to go to a mirror and fix my makeup somehow cheers me up. If you look good, you feel good… Right? Since being on the Race I have gone without makeup here and there but there always came a time where I didn’t want to look at my clean lashes and natural skin another minute. Could I handle going without makeup for an entire month?
fresh (and still warm) goat’s milk mustache on an otherwise naked face.
Here’s the part where I want to say that I prayed about it and asked God what I should do. But I can’t say that because I actually made a conscious decision not to pray about it. I was afraid that no matter what I was going to feel like God wanted me to fast from makeup (whether that was actually true or just my imagination) and the. I’d be stuck with having to do it or else feel guilty for not being obedient. So I decided I would just think about it myself and not make it into some big spiritual thing that it didn’t need to be.
Moldova came around and I hadn’t really made a decision, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to go without makeup while I was still considering it. I was pleasantly surprised at how easy it was. At first I wasn’t loving it, but the second day we were here I made and video of myself riding the zipline with my makeup-less face front and center. I watched the video and while I didn’t feel gorgeous it really didn’t bother me. I went so far as to put the video on Facebook! I felt proud of myself and each time I looked in the mirror I looked for elements of my natural beauty to recognize and appreciate. I told my team about it and let them take scores if pictures of me without complaint. I realized that I had been afraid of nothing all the years that I’ve been hiding behind makeup.
photo credit: 5 year old Mahaila
That lasted about a week and a half. Maybe two. Either way it wasn’t long before I had had it with the no makeup thing. A bad hair day. An unflattering photo from a bad angle. My beautiful teammates putting their own makeup on before church. I wasn’t thinking of backing out of my fast but I was eager for the month to end. It was then that I realized I never actually asked God if He wanted me to fast. I wasn’t locked in, as long as it’s between me, myself, and I, I could back out whenever I wanted. So I asked The Lord.
And then God brought a scripture to mind that He showed me early on in the month. It is talking about fasting, and when I originally read it I applied it to a conversation that Amber and I were having about fasting from food and physical health in general. I still like that application but I could kick myself for not understating sooner how it applied to my makeup fast.
In Zechariah 7 God’s people ask Him if they should fast. (Sound familiar? I told you this should have been an easy application.) So the people ask and God answers them “When you fasted and mourned [in the past] was it for me that you fasted?” Ouch. I started out with good intentions to fast in order to go to God to meet more of my needs but really I ended up just fasting for myself. My self image. My emotional health. My personal growth. None of those things are necessarily bad things to build up, in fact I believe that God wants to build me up in those areas. Keyword: GOD wants to build me up. Cutting out makeup should leave Him more space to make me feel beautiful. My Heavenly Father wants to come to me in the times when I feel naked and ugly and call me worthy and beloved. When I feel like a mess and I can’t do anything about it He wants me to embrace that and celebrate that He is in control.
Does this mean that I’m done with makeup for good? Well, I’m going to keep praying about it (lesson learned) but for now I’m thinking no. In Zechariah 7 God goes on to ask His people if when they are drinking and eating if they do that for themselves as well. That’s the part that really struck me when I read it the first time. Here I see God telling us that just as the only good reason to fast is to fast for The Lord, likewise the only good reason to eat is to eat for The Lord. 1 Corinthians 10:31 says “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” Whatever I do? Guess that means I can wear makeup to His glory as well. With right motives and healthy outlook.
I know now that I can wear makeup or fast from makeup and in both situations fail to go to God for affirmation of my beauty and worth. The opposite it also true. I’m probably going to finish the month au naturale and then give myself the freedom to do whatever I feel like next month in Romania. But in the meantime I’m going to allow The Lord to teach me the lessons He has for me in this time. And whenever I wear makeup again, I want to continue to allow Him to teach me, love me, affirm me, and comfort me.
after sticking my head under a Moldovan waterfall. no mascara smudges for me!
