“On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand”…. I have not heard that song in a very long time, but we heard it at a church service in India this morning, and it rings so true to me. We’re almost at the end of month 8. It’s been 230 days since I’ve been home. It will be 102 more days before I return home. And I’m tired. Physically, spiritually, mentally, I’m just tired. We all are. We can’t remember the last time we got a decent nights sleep. I think it was 231 days ago, honestly. Nope, I was packing to leave then; it’s been longer than that.


It’s been 230 days of packing, traveling, teaching, working, and sharing Christ’s love. There’s no such thing as true off days. If you get the day off, you’re usually washing laundry (not with those handy washers and dryers like we have at home, it’s either scrubbing by hand or, if you’re lucky, a ghetto washer where you have to manually start each cycle) or you’re cleaning your living area, working on blogs, catching up with people back home, going into town or spending time with the host or someone you’ve felt especially called to pour into. Even though we’re in each country a whole month and that seems like a good amount of time, it flies by quickly so if you don’t take advantage of every opportunity, you’ll miss it. Everywhere we go there are so many homeless to show kindness to, children to love, women to make smile, and people to share Christ’s love with. We stand out no matter where we are, so attention is on us constantly, and every movement is a chance to explain why we are here. And I truly love it.



*Photo by Ashley Mueller*

 

But now that it’s month 8, my body is failing me. As excited as I am about our ministry this month and as much as I LOVE spending time with these children, and as much as I’m looking forward to the next three months in Thailand, Malaysia and Cambodia, I find myself more excited to be home, to eat food I like, to climb into my own bed and to sleep for two solid weeks. I fight to drag myself out of bed every morning. Not because I don’t want to do it, but because I’m so exhausted I’m almost dizzy. I have to fight to convince myself that I want to go do ministry. When I want to stay and bed and nap all afternoon or not see a single person all day, I drag myself up and go play tag with the little girls, practice sign language with the older kids or help in the kitchen or spend time with teammates. Anything I can to make my time here matter.

 


 

But I feel like I can’t do it much longer. 102 days more days of this? That’s a really long time. I don’t know if I can make. And that’s what I realized today, I can’t.

I can’t do this. I can’t keep going. I can’t keep ministering. I can’t keep traveling. Well, not on my own strength anyway. Fortunately “On Christ the solid rock I stand”. I forget that sometimes.


“But he said “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9


I’m not supposed to rely on my own strength, in fact I can’t, I don’t have any strength left. I’m weak and I’m helpless. The only way I can keep going is to rely on His perfect, never ending strength. Where I am weak he is glorified the most.


“I can do ALL things through CHRIST who STRENGTHENS me” Philippians 4:13



Through HIS strength I CAN keep going. Keep learning. Keep doing. Keep smiling. Keep loving. Keep lugging my pack around. Keep getting out of bed every morning. Through HIS strength, I WILL finish the next 102 days strong and through my weakness, he will use me to bring glory to His kingdom.


“He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grown weary. They will walk and not faint.” -Isaiah 40:29-31


“I may be weak, but your spirit’s strong in me. My flesh may fail, but my God you never will.” – Elevation Worship