As the Cambodian sun rose behind me, I stood at the oceans edge staring into the vastness of sea and sky. Tears welled in my eyes as I saw my future so clearly reflected in that sea. It felt so open, so full of the unknown, and yet somehow so empty. My heart pounded as God asked me “Katie, will you trust me enough to step out into deeper waters?”. For the next month and a half I pondered this question as I tried to imagine what life would look like going forward. But every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was darkness as the waters flooded over me…
Whether I liked it or not though time continued on and before I knew it my squad and I were on a plane headed home to begin the next chapter of our lives. For the first time in 11 months we would be on our own. I wasn’t so sure I would be able to stay afloat without my dear squad mates by my side. But in all my fears and doubts I was determined that life would never look the same as it did before I left on the Race, I was determined to live life fully changed.
Fast forward one full year to now: in this year I have had to grieve and let go of what once was as well as dreams for I thought would be, I have had to fight to stay present, and I have had to hold onto hope that God is good even in the ordinary. Going on the World Race certainly changed my life, but ultimately I have had to accept that I am still very much so a work in progress.
The World Race took me on a journey in 11 months that would have taken years here in the States. On my journey, I learned what it meant to live fully alive. I saw the Word of God in action on almost a daily basis. Every month was filled with deep revelation. And in the eyes of my squad mates and of those we served I began to understand, for the first time, how deep God’s love is for me. It is easy to romanticize the Race as it was truly a beautiful 11 months but with beauty also comes pain and trials. Looking back I see God’s grace in it all, yet I remember how hard so many days were. Community, ministry, living out of backpack, constant change, leadership, and God revealing layer after layer of brokenness made for some really difficult days. And to be completely honest it is the day to day trials that I faced on the Race that have changed my life the most.
In many ways it feels like time has almost stopped since returning home. Most days seem bland in comparison to daily life on the Race. Life looks different but not always in the ways I had hoped for. But as the storms have come and gone of ordinary life, I have felt a peace that I never knew before. I am learning that it is really about the small things. It is the small victories such as finding the courage to share my faith or the boldness to give a friend “feedback”. It is waking up early even when I don’t feel like it to spend time with Jesus. And when I mess up, which lately has been a lot, it is the grace that God shows me through the people He has brought into my life.
This year has been hard but I know the beauty that discomfort and trial bring. My prayers are not for an easy life but for one that is ever increasing in His Presence, which so often comes from discomfort. The World Race did not just change my life, it realigned my heart with His to give me a deeper understanding of His Love. There is not a day that goes by that I do not thank Jesus for how far He has brought me- and believe it or not I have yet to drown in these deeper waters. I have no idea what lies ahead, but with all my heart I can tell you that God is good.
