I love to be clean. I love showers and that glorious feeling of sleeping in clean sheets with clean feet. I love wearing clean clothes while being clean.
It’s not that I particularly mind the process of getting dirty or being a mess. I can play with kids in the mud or spend hours in the kitchen getting splattered with sauce and oil and not mind it a bit.
However, I hate that feeling of being sticky, grimy, or dirty. I wash my hands a little too often (a habit fostered by working in the restaurant industry). When I was in third grade I had my first health class. I remember coming home and proceeding to tell my mom all the things, “the health book says.” She loved that book.
Hand sanitizer has been my friend in many of the places we’ve been while on the Race. And cleanliness has been a big area of growth and attempted flexibility.
So when we lived in a house last month with 4 bathrooms and 44 people I suddenly found myself unable to take showers as often as I usually preferred. I remember how proud my team was of me the first stretch I went 3 days without a shower. It was kinda sad. By the end of the month it became normal if still not my favorite thing. But this was only preparation for this month.
When we got to our hostel here in Bangkok I was pleasantly surprised that we had hot water showers- and no line! Needless to say those first 3 days I took a shower every night. It was beautiful.
Then the 3rd night God stepped in. I clearly heard Him ask me to fast showering for 1 week… 7 days. (Strangest fast request ever.) When I told my team about it none of them seemed surprised. They were actually excited and proud of me? (They didn’t even ask IF I was going to do it. Love that they know me. haha)
It was weird, but not as big of a deal as I had thought it would be. I still washed my face and brushed my teeth. So I wasn’t filthy and was told I didn’t smell (thank you Lord for deodorant!).
And there were some cool things I learned/ had things re-enforced:
*It won’t kill you to go a week without showering.
In fact my hair is extra healthy this week after all that oil chilled in it last week. My hair was pulled back into a bun so it wasn’t really obvious either. To be honest, when I was little I had a fear of developing leprosy if I didn’t shower properly. While I know this wasn’t a realistic fear, a part of me always wondered.
*The anticipation of something is almost always worse than the actual thing.
That night God asked me to do this I was quite unhappy. I even tried to negotiate washing my hair in the sink on day 4….He told me we’d talk about it later (aka “No”). I wasn’t even allowed to use hand sanitizer when we went out for ministry! And while it was very uncomfortable half of the time, the other half of the time it didn’t bother me at all. I assumed I would be constantly aware of how gross I felt, but I only noticed at key points within a day.
*When you know you have an unusual habit/ behavior you should look into it.
Usually behaviors aren’t the real issue- they’re just the symptoms covering up (or pointing to) a deeper root issue. For me I’ve always felt dirty because of things that happened when I was younger. Those circumstances left me feeling unworthy and “dirty.” I knew I felt that way but I thought I had a handle on it. Turns out I didn’t. And while it’s shown up in subtle ways, I’ve been living life with lies floating around in my head. Now I’m taking back that part of myself and giving it to God. In return He’s calling me “clean, pure (as a pearl), redeemed, restored, precious, beautiful, worth it, His, etc.” He has much better things to say than those stupid lies.
So don’t be afraid to delve deeper when you notice something unusual about yourself. Sometimes it’s just something that makes you unique. Other times it’s a symptom of a chain you can be freed from. Don’t live in bondage. You’re better than that and God created you to be more than a victim. He loves you so much He gave everything to set you free.
And I love you too. Whoever you are, whatever your area is, I’m more than happy to chat with you. You can message me here, on FB or email me at [email protected]. Internet can be sketchy so I can’t promise I’ll see your message the moment you send it but I’d love to talk with you and pray to the one who holds the keys that can unhinge all locks.
