Walking into the bar that night I didn’t know what to expect. I had a picture in my mind from all the different stories I’ve heard over my life, but what I had in my mind paled in comparison with what I came to face that night. My team and I prayed outside of the bar that the Lord would give us the words to say. That we would be able to open the eyes of these women to the love of Jesus. We knew we were going to see things that would stir up so many different emotions in us, so we prayed that Jesus would quiet these emotions until we left.
We only wanted the women to see pure joy and love from us, something that they might have never seen before.
We were seated and quickly began to take in our surroundings. All around me I could see white men in their 50’s and up, with young Cambodian women. I could see the way the men were grabbing and groping the women, who had looks of hopelessness on their faces. I could see pairs leave together and return 30 minutes later, only to see the same woman leave again with the next man. The men high-fived each other and discussed audibly what had just transpired. I took all this in and prayed for the Lord to give me strength to not react in the way I so desperately wanted to.
Three of us left the table to go play pool and invite some women to play with us. The first girl I met was sitting on a stool next to the pool table scanning the room. She was so tiny and looked scared. For this blog I will just call her Lily, a name that would actually fit her really well. She wore a tiny dress and heavy makeup, and seemed shocked when I asked her if she wanted to play pool with us. We teamed up and played a game of pool. Lily and I were on the same team and she enjoyed laughing at how incredibly bad we all were at pool. While we were playing I tried hard to focus on Joy and Love and ignore the rage building up inside of me.
We made another friend soon after our first game of pool. For this blog I’ll refer to her as Angela. She joined in and started playing pool with us too. We played for about an hour and were all just laughing and having a great time. It wasn’t until about 11:30 that the atmosphere between us all shifted. Angela started to put her legs up on the pool table to “distract us” from making the shots. At first I ignored this, thinking that this was all in good fun and that we were just becoming friends. I thought they both knew why we were there and could feel the love we had for them as people. I was wrong.
As we went to leave and say our goodbyes something happened that felt like a slap to the face. I turned to say goodbye to Angela and say that we would come back to hangout and get to know them more when she grabbed me. She told me “Why don’t we go back to the alley really quick for some private time?” As soon as I heard these words I wanted to burst into tears. Instead I simply explained to her that we weren’t there for anything like that. I told Angela and Lily that we came there to meet them and become their friends, to get to know about their lives and their dreams. I told them we would be back soon to hang out again but to know that we are not coming for business. They both seemed confused and even a little angry at this, and I can only assume they were thinking we had wasted their time.
Then we walked out of that bar. As we left more men entered. Women came back and looked for more customers having finished with their previous ones. We walked away as the men talked to each other about the girls and laughed about the crude things they had done. We walked away and my stomach twisted into knots. The fake smile that had been plastered on my face quickly fell and was replaced with a grimace of pain. I didn’t say a word for the rest of the night. I couldn’t. We rode back in a tuk tuk, prayed and went to bed.
I laid in bed but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t sleep. Every time I closed my eyes I saw theirs. I saw the looks of lust and ego coming from the men. I saw the looks of fear, hopelessness, and, worst of all, boredom and acceptance coming in the eyes of the women. I could not stop thinking about how broken a person must be when they can no longer distinguish love and business. I thought about how sorry I was for Angela and Lily. I laid in my bed restless because I know that more can be done. Soon we will go back to that bar, even though my stomach turns thinking about it. My team and I will walk into that dark place and try to shine the light of Jesus for those girls. We will try to let them know that they are loved for who they are, not for what they can do. That they are precious individuals rather than objects that can be purchased.
