As this month in India comes to an end, I have to once again say goodbye to another country. I must say I have gotten pretty good at a lot of the actions that go into leaving. It’s become really easy to pack up all my belongings. Easy to do that last minute laundry that I’ve been putting off all month. It’s not too hard to clean up after myself..even though there might be a few empty coke bottles around my bed. It’s even gotten easier to look at the place I’ve called home for the past month and see that there is no longer any evidence of me being there.
The one thing however that has not gotten any easier, and I hope never does, is saying goodbye to all the people who have burrowed their way into my heart.
Each new country that my squad has ventured into over the past few months has been full of beautiful sights, new foods, and different cultures. I’ve loved getting to experience all of these things in each new place, but I have enjoyed getting to know the people of these countries more. I have made connections with so many different people over the past four months. People who I know God put into my life for a very specific reason. People who shared their stories with me, who shared laughs, who taught me how to think in different ways, and who opened my eyes to things God wanted to teach me. These people have sculpted the past four months of my race and I know that there will be many more sculptures in the months to come.
I want to talk about one of the many people that I grew so close with this month. His real name I cannot use for different reasons so for this blog I’ll use his internet name which is Conner. (If you ask me Conner doesn’t really fit him at all but oh well). Conner is one of the children I worked with this month at Sarah’s Covenant Homes (SCH). I got to spend about an hour or more with him every single day. Those hours spent with Conner quickly became my favorite part of my day. Now Conner cannot speak so he couldn’t necessarily share his story with me, nor could he tell me what God was trying to teach me. He did however open my eyes and teach me to think in different ways. He shared in unconventional ways, for example he peed on me…every…single..day.
The first couple of days with Conner I would just hold him in a rocking chair and talk to him. Conner is almost 4 years old but is the size of a baby and has trouble breathing. For those first few days I just held him and listened as his lungs struggled to do their job. He would look up at me with his huge eyes and every few minutes his eyebrows would crinkle together. He was in pain. He was hurting so much and struggling so much. Those first few days as I sat holding him, feeling his body shake every time he took in a breath, I felt a piece of my heart go to this little boy. He is so young and is already enduring more suffering and struggling than I ever have in my entire life. I remember sitting there holding him praying to God for help. Help to bring this little boy some relief, to give him happiness in the midst of the pain he was going through.
After some time I started to notice that those big eyes followed me around the room whenever I wasn’t with him. Conner was watching me with a look of recognition and expectation. He knew that soon I would come over and swoop him up to go sit in the chair with him and talk. One day as I walked over I saw him give a small little smile and my heart leapt. It was so tiny, almost as if it wasn’t there, but for a second those eyebrows relaxed and he looked happy. I picked him up and spun around I was so happy to hold him, as I did that something even better happened. He laughed. I mean full on belly laughed, his whole body moved around and he just smiled from ear to ear. From that day on I was hooked and had a new goal. To make Conner smile every day.
That goal became easier and easier to meet as Conner became more used to me. He started smiling all the time. When I walked in the room he would roll over and stretch out his arms, ready for me to pick him up and spin around. My teammates patiently listen every night as I would recount every single moment I spent with Conner, and exactly what he laughed at that day. Soon Conner not only smiled whenever I picked him up but started to cry whenever I would put him down. When this started happening I knew I was in trouble. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to say goodbye to him at the end of this month. I knew that I had a new goal which was to get him adopted. To find someone who would love him as much as I do and can legally adopt him, because legally you have to be 25 years older than the child to adopt them in India. This goal is still underway and if anyone reading is interested in being the parent of the best child ever please let me know!
Throughout the past few months on the World Race I have been working on hearing God’s voice better. I’ve listened to squad mates who explain how they hear Him speak directly to them, or how He gives them images and so forth. I have been getting frustrated with this because I do not hear His voice. Sure there have been countless times in my life where I can plainly see how God worked, and I know He is always there. I have not however directly heard Him speak to me. Conner taught me a lot about communication. Through spending time with Conner this month I learned that communication can happen in so many different ways. That I do not necessarily need to hear the Lord the same way my friends do. That I might not hear Him speak to me in words or pictures. That the Lord communicates with all of us in unique ways, we just need to be open to listen. That is something I am challenging myself to do a better job of and I challenge you to as well.
So as I leave India I leave a piece of my heart here, and in return I leave with lessons. I leave having my eyes opened once again to how blessed I am. Having learned new ways of talking to the Father. I am leaving so many tears behind as I say goodbye to all my new friends. And most importantly I leave so incredibly thankful that I have been able to make these relationships.
