Several months ago, was the marker for being back in the states for one full year. My deep apologies for those who have not heard much from me. I have not forgotten you. This journey is still ours. I have been in a unique season with the Lord. One I am not even sure how to put into words but I will make the effort.
For the past ten months, I have been living in Longview, Texas. I fought the Lord on this location for several months. This is not what I wanted. Imagine a town where a lot of hurt resides; maybe you are there now- I am. Many wounds happened here to which my feet never wanted to cross back through. I am not a parent but I do know what It is like to withhold something a child desires to have, for their own good. I desired to be far from this place, but my Father knew my desire was not best. Ironically, as I am writing this, in Starbucks, I over hear a father say, ” the biggest mistake I made, as a parent was not allowing my child to fail or suffer.” In the mist of suffering, we need to remind ourselves that God never makes a mistake. Our failures and sufferings are never wasted in the hands of our Redeemer. Its interesting how joy and suffering seem to be opposites yet they are always companions. Both suffering and joy unite our hearts with the Father’s.
I am currently finishing my degree, for Christian Ministry, at LeTourneau University. I am thankful we serve a God that knows what is to come. My trust runs so deeply in Him; he reminds me that knowing my own destination will not change my journey.
I heard a saying from the world race community that stated, ” love God and do what you want.” I dwelled on that saying for months. I examined my life and thought, what am i doing? This is not what I want. It is true that when you love God, with all your heart, the desires within you are from Him. You can trust those desires, dreams and passions. After pondering this statement for quite sometime I thought it was time for me to leave Texas and go do something I want. I could not discern if I was running from where God had me or running towards His dream for me. So what did I do? I decided to cry out to my best friend, God the Father, and reveal all to Him. In a moment, He got more of me than ever. I was beside myself and needed my best friend to comfort and direct me. He did just that. He confirmed my location as His will and asked me to take a step back. To look at the Longview, if you will. He convicted me that I had been living very inward as I dwelt on the phrase, do what you want. My life quickly became about me. Heres the thing though, my life is not mine. It is not about me. God reminded me that he holds my passions and desires closely but for now I need to focus on the first two words of that phrase, love God.
When I live inwardly, I walk around as a very sad and disappointed person. My heart is filled with unanswered prayers because all I can see is myself. However, when I sit in presence of the Lord, all my expectations are met. I always walk away completely satisfied because He is on the throne, I am not. We serve HIM, he does not serve us.
As I enter a new year, my heart beats a little faster knowing the Lord is taking me into a new season with Him. I look forward to newness in my life. It is an exciting time to look forward, but one thing the Lord is speaking, I believe to us all, is to not forget our journey. Forgetfulness results in ungratefulness. We cannot be grateful to God if we have forgotten what He has done for us. Let us not focus on what we do not have but what we have been given. Record God’s faithfulness and goodness over your life. On days of fear and doubt, allow His faithfulness to be your shield.
