Where do I start? I am from Kentucky… have lived there all my life. With the exception of the first 5 years of life. I was Born in Tennessee and lived there until 5. It was at that age when my parents got a divorce and we moved to Kentucky. When I talk about my parents divorce with others I often get the response, ” I am so sorry you are from a broken family. That had to have been so hard.” For the longest time I would just nod and agree because it did break our family and it was hard. But I honestly don’t think my eyes have been opened to the brokenness of so many hurting families. Families that have been shattered and kids abandoned. While on the World Race I hope to have my eyes opened to brokenness like never before. That is my prayer at least. That my eyes will be opened so that I may see through the eyes of Christ.
I have moved a lot since High School. I think I have moved to a new state every year since. Went to a community college in Dallas for a year while living with some family. Then transferred to Johnson Bible College in Knoxville, TN. Which happened to be the state I was born in. Went to school there for a 1.5 years and then really felt God calling me to lay school aside. At this point He had given me a strong desire to go overseas for almost 6 years now. I felt his voice calling me to lay school down so I could work full time and pay off school loans and other debt. He made it very clear that I was chained to this money that I owed to man. The weight of this chain was heavy and did not allow me the freedom to drop everything and move overseas if His voice was to call me to do so. In order to get to that point of freedom I had to walk on the road of obedience. So I laid school aside and moved to LA to be a fully time nanny. Which the people I worked with for a year I now call family. God was faithful to pay off all my debt and I now had the freedom to just go overseas. I prayed for direction and told the Lord I would go where ever He wanted me to go. I prayed those words but what I really meant to pray was I will go wherever you want me to go overseas.
God took my first words and ran with them. He lead me to Arizona for 6 months to help out some family members, which I miss that time with them more than they know. Then He lead me to Westcliffe, Colorado. A town population of approximately 800. A wide difference from my life in LA and Phoenix. I had come to know this town and place well since God had already called me to work at the same camp, Horn Creek, for two previous summers. But that was a summer job and it was great but that season was over… so I thought. I was living in Phoenix when I started to really read world racers blogs. My heart felt compelled to pray about what date to apply to. Not if I should go or not because that question didn’t need an answer in my heart but just what date. So I prayed and fasted for 3 weeks for which date to apply to. Fasting for me has always been such an intimate time with the Lord. His voice always seems to speak to my spirit clearly and loudly. Not this time. It was the last night of my fast and I lied in bed frustrated that the Lord had not spoken to my heart. Then He spoke ..not the words I was looking for but He spoke none the less. He pushed my heart to go check out the Horn Creek website and specifically check out the internship page. My heart resisted thinking that season was over but after His persistent voice I applied that night.
So here I am in Colorado doing a year long internship. I have never questioned God leading me here. Because He did. His words have confirmed that in my heart over and over. My question was why. Why a camp? My hearts desire is not to go into full time camp ministry. I have already served here. I just got out of debt and here I am back to barely living off check to check. He released me out of debt so why not sent me overseas. These are the questions that I repeatedly asked our Father God. If only I had the eyes of Christ. To see that His desire for me to go overseas was being fulfilled throughout the past years and at this very hour. The years that I couldn’t see any of it unfolding He was perfecting the desire within. He was orchestrating in all. He has given me a glimpse of His hand that has been at work all these times when I couldn’t see it. It is humbling to experience how much God truly does what the best for His children and His beloved. How foolish I was to cry out to Him for not fulfilling the desires of my heart when all the while He was doing just that. He has also revealed to my heart why He brought me to do this internship.
Like I said before I have moved a lot, and every move was just another place that I never found community. I am not saying woe is me I have not had community in 5 years, because that is not my heart. God is Enough! I had to go through season after season alone to really grab a hold of that. God is Enough. Yes He did create us for community but HE IS ENOUGH. When you have nobody else to lean on you tightly grab on to our Father God. You learn how to depend on him for everything. You learn how to just rest in His arms. I say that to say I have not experienced community or the body as Christ so desires us to. That’s His desire for me this year. To experience community and His body. Community is hard. There is no way around that statement. But I am learning that when there is unity in community it brings life. I am praying that I experience more of that unity and life this year. “How good and pleasant it is when Gods people live together in unity” psalm 133:1 I desire to learn and to experience what Christ truly did intend the body to look like.
