Cambodia…so here’s how it went:
Beginning feelings: Totally freaked out
Our first day with our ministry, we pulled up to the church and were shown right away where we’d be sleeping. I tried to muster a positive attitude as I was shown a small apartment that would hold 8 girls, 4 of whom would be sleeping in the living room, pretty cramped, without air conditioning. Usually I can deal with heat, but we had been an a place previously for a few days where I was always hot and felt so lethargic. After seeing the room we were whisked away for a meeting with our contact for a briefing of ministry opportunities. I was beginning to feel overwhelmed and was doing a lot of silent praying. As they were listing out the ministry options, nothing seemed like a good fit for me. We then went to each department at the church to get a little more info…the anxiety was mounting. My teammates told me later they could recognize it on my face (it really is nice that they know me so well). I finally had to excuse myself, went to our apartment and cried.
So many things were reminiscent of my time in Peru, the month that for me culminated in a major freak out and melt down. The lasting taste in my mouth from Peru was one of defeat. Coming to Cambodia and seeing so many similarities like an underdeveloped and dirty town, close living quarters, team issues, an active church with a lot of opportunities and the possibility of high expectations and little rest, difficult transportation, and nothing really seeming to fit ministry wise. It all seemed just too much.
I asked God over and over…”Why are you doing this to me? You knew how hard it was for me in Peru. You knew you were bringing us here. Why would you do this?” I sat and cried for a bit longer and then felt the Lord saying clearly that He was going to give me a second chance at Peru and that I wouldn’t go crazy. An overwhelming feeling of peace came over me; I knew I was going to make it. A bit later someone came in the room and told me about an opportunity for me to decorate a Nursing Mothers/Prayer room and I got so excited (I love to decorate)! It was such a gift from God, He didn’t need to give it to me, but He did.
The project gave me a place where I felt “at home” and made it easier for me to branch out and try the other types of ministry. I’d work some of the time on the room and the other trying new things. Here’s a few pics I borrowed from teammates of times with those ministries:
I got to play with children who lived in slums (Stacy’s)…
visit some people living out in more rural Cambodia, where I also preached a bit!(Stacy’s)…
teach English (this is a pic of Erin, but I taught in this same classroom)…
and assist Brooklyn Tabernacle as they came to do medical ministry (Anne’s).
One of the other “gifts” that God gave me were people I could communicate with! I love talking with people, hearing their hearts and their stories. It’s often been a challenge for me this year not being able to communicate on a deeper level. This month I had not only one deep conversation but many! Yet another gift from God.
Ending Feelings: I genuinely enjoyed our time and feel like I can trust God more. Now I’m thankful that He brought me to Cambodia and let me go through this trial to show me that I could make it. He really believes in me!
