I was sitting around a table with my fellow Squad Leaders about to find out what route we are going to lead and who we will be leading with when that shameful thought ran through my head.
“I’m a missionary… God will give me what I want.”
If that doesn’t show my sense of entitlement I don’t know what does!
It’s the truth though… as embarrassing as it is to admit.. When I applied to be a Squad Leader for The World Race I went online and looked at the different routes and made the decision then that I would be happy with any route EXCEPT the all Spanish route. As a Squad Leader, I knew I would only truly be out on the field with my squad for the first 5 months and on that route those months were all in Central America. On top of that, they were ALL THE COUNTRIES I HAVE BEEN TO ALREADY. No thank you…
So, I’m sitting at the table and they start with the all Spanish route and list off the leaders, they got three deep and I gave a sigh of relief and then all of a sudden they say, “And Kathryn.” I thought they had made a mistake because this squad only has 28 people so why would they need FOUR Squad Leaders?! It wasn’t a mistake and I soon found out that they are trying out a new system and we are going to be the guinea pigs.
I could not figure out why I was so upset about my route and I was even more mad at myself for being so upset because it was for selfish reasons! It was a disgusting mental battle that I had to work through.
Even though I was on the struggle bus about my route, I was however VERY excited about who I was going to be leading with because I already naturally got along with all of them.
It took me about 24 hours to adjust to the reality of my route. Before worship the very next day I heard a lady say to someone I was walking by, “You know what…vwhen people get upset about route changes, it’s about control. They have control issues. They think their plan is better than God’s.”
Talk about a slap in the face! It was just what I needed to hear because it was true!
I stood there during worship and sang these simple lyrics, “You are perfect in all of your ways.” I stopped singing… said that in my head four times and laughed! Literally, I laughed out loud. People looked over at me even. I said to myself, “Oh my goodness… God is perfect. He is perfect in all of His ways. If He is perfect in all of His ways, then my route is SO PERFECT FOR ME!”
That was my “light switch moment”. From that moment on, I was indescribably excited about my route and my squad.
Training camp was exhausting, smelly, and wet, but beyond that, it was fulfilling. Over and over again God opened doors for me to be able to speak into the lives of my squad. (click link to see my squad) I was and am still so humbled that God would still chose to use an ENTITLED CONTROL FREAK like myself.
Looks like I better brush up on my Spanish. : )
Here is the list of the countries on this route. I will go to the 1st five and then spend a couple days with them during month 8 and 11 for debriefs.
Co-Squad Leaders from left to right: Ashley, Lauren, myself and Greg. (click names for their blogs)
