Remember when I wrote a blog about, “Love until your hands and feet bleed…” And I told you that there was more to this blog in God’s timing?
Well here it is!
I have been keeping a secret from you all, because I myself has been processing through what it is I am called to do after The Race.
Let me first walk you through the steps to my decision, or shall I say, God’s decision…
So I think at first I went on The Race with the mindset of a lot of other racers… “I might be called to a country for missions longterm!” And I was, but not in the way I thought.
I quickly realized how HARD it was for me to connect with the people in each country that did not speak my language. I would watch other people build friendships so naturally through, basically, charades. I mean, I have NEVER been good at the game. BUT, get me in a room of people playing Catch Phrase and, not to toot my own horn… BUT I rock at the game. I found how much I connect with people through my words and how LOST I felt when I could not do so. I love being able to talk to people about their dreams and where they are at with life, not just spiritually but emotionally. I love living life with people and helping them make their dreams a reality or giving them that hope that they need, and finding steps to pursue it. Sometimes it is big dreams and sometimes it is just the dream of trying to get over a relationship in their past. It’s a dream of having healing from sexual abuse, a dream of believing that GOD is love, or a dream of having a friend who cares.
After the first two months, I found that most of the relationships I built were with the people that spoke English, whether our contacts, english students, or just random people that watched a lot of American movies and T.V. (You’d be surprised how many people learn english that way!) In fact, to this day, my favorite country on my Race still is South Africa… where, English is a main language. I didn’t really think much into it until my month in Romania. Before Romania, I had been pondering what I was going to do post-Race and where I was going to live. A part of me would get *Chills* in my body when I would get a certain town laid on my heart…
Sheridan. Sheridan, WY, my hometown.
Now, to give you some background of my life in Sheridan. I hated high school, and there were things attached to my life there that I just always wanted to walk, ok… RUN from. THUS, going 18 hours away to Oklahoma for School. It was there, I blossomed. I found who I really was…
Kathryn Law, the girl who loved people.
The girl who was worthy and attentive, intentional to others.
Mostly, the girl who was not a hermit, who was outgoing and friends with multiple, different groups of people.
My brother, Josh, got to see that in me one summer when he came and picked me up from Oklahoma and spent some time with me. Because of our time together, the Lord used him as a huge wake-up call for me. I remember sitting at home in Sheridan, WY a few days after we drove up from Oklahoma. I made some bitter joke about how I didn’t want to go to a coffee shop for fear of seeing people I knew, that I was not ready for that yet. Granted, I did it in a joking tone, but there was an underlining truth behind it. Josh’s face grew red and I knew something was going to go down… I got my defenses up and Josh opened his mouth, “Kathryn! I was just with you in Oklahoma and saw how much you loved people and hung out with everyone, how active you were, and now you come here and just become a bitter hermit! How is that possible?!”…
How. Dare. He.
Alright, after a few moments of fiery anger, after stomping off to my room, I looked up, “Ok, God, Josh is right, isn’t he? I am living a double life.” (I have never told Josh that, but. . . To Josh: you were right.)
So I made a deal with myself that I would say hello and make an effort to converse with every person I saw in town that I knew that summer, and you know what?… That summer was one of healing and hope. That was one hurdle, and I thought I was at the finish line but really, I still have a long way to go… and it’s not a relay, I can’t pass the baton, I need to go the distance.
Back to the chills I would get… I would get the name Sheridan on my heart. *Chills*. Then I would get the word- Restoration.
The moment it all came together, combining all my feelings of fear, hope, excitement and humility, was in an empty closet in Romania-
I had a Skype call with a woman I met at debrief in Nelspruit, South Africa. I told her about what the Lord has been working on me with, and then I asked her to hear more of her story about her own Race a few years ago. She shared that she quickly found out on her Race that she was called to the United States because she did not connect well through language barriers.
Sound familiar??? (Ok, God, you got my attention…. same *Chills*, SHERIDAN.)
She continued to talk about how she found that her Race had little to do with what countries she went to and what the ministry was, but rather her own revelations and healing and how God was going to use that to promote healing in her teammates. And that the same revelations she went through on The Race was for her to bring… (drumroll) back to her hometown. Now she has been in her hometown for a few years, and although she does not think she will be there forever, she knows that where she is… right now… is right where God wants her.
*Chills*
That was the confirmation, and although at first I was scared, that week it moved from hope to excitement and humility.
First scared, because I have a lot of memories at home to face and also a mold of who I am at home to break. No more living a double life. Time to bring who I am home, and not just with my family or people who are easy to love, but with everyone I encounter. Even when it’s hard. “Love until your hands and feet bleed…”
Second hope, because my mom and I had a much needed conversation that produced so much healing in areas that needed it. It spoke to my heart that this was the first step to restoration in my hometown, to see my mom in a new light and see her as the mom that she has always been and value the differences we have. (see Mother’s Day Blog: Nothing Everyone Gets To Be Raised By Mother Teresa)
Third, excitement. I have spent so much time missing out, missing out on my little brother, Jonny’s, life and missing out on fun family memories, missing out on the adventure of being home. And now, God has spoken so clear on how He is going to use me when I get home. I am going to “Love until my hands and feet bleed, “ bring restoration to my heart, and as a result, healing to people I come into contact with.
Fourth, humility. How unworthy do I feel to be able to be used in this way, but God chose me. How unable I feel but ‘with God all things are possible.’
This month in Guatemala furthered how humbled I am by my Lord. I have been in the same town, Antigua, as one of my friends from home. She happened to leave for missions and come back home the same exact dates as me on The Race. Coincidence? I think not…
God blessed me with her to talk to about my goals when I get home, and to share in my vision. How amazing it is that the Lord brought us here at this time for her to experience the life I have been living on The Race, to meet the people who are important to me. I felt like my Lord was saying,
“Kathryn, my beautiful daughter, I know it will be hard when you get home, some people may not understand, but take this, take this, let me comfort you with her. She will be someone who understands, maybe not everything, but she will know the people who you have spent this year with, and what it has been like living out of the United States for a year. I will not leave you without a community when you get home. Stand on this promise, and I will grant you what your heart needs to be comforted.”
Humility. *Chills* replaced with a fierce heartbeat of… Lord, I’m ready, use me as you will.
So Sheridan folks…. I’m there to stay until I am called elsewhere.
Whew. I said it, the secret is out.
"Lord, I'm ready, use me as you will."
