All of a sudden everything starts getting blurry as my eyes slowly fill up with tears that I have been working so hard to force down, beads of sweat start dripping down my face, and I can feel my heart beating out of my chest, I am fighting with myself to maintain my composure as I look into the eyes of the Filipino girls sitting in front of me. I take in every lyric that comes out their mouth, but I can’t help but be captured by a few lines, I had heard them many times before, but this time was different…
OUR God is greater
OUR God is stronger
OUR God is healer
OUR God
I think somewhere deep in my soul I have had a hard time thinking that they have the same God as I do.
How can they have the same God?
Why do I have so much and they have so little?
How can the God in the United States be the same God of the Philippines?
Where is this God that they serve?
It seems so unfair, and the scariest part of it all, I know, this is the not the worst I will see this year.
This feeling came over me again when I went to the feeding at Tent City the other day. About an hour out of where we are, it is an area where The Philippine Red Cross came and built homes for victims of a Typhoon. I quickly realized that having a home was not enough for them. As we pull up, grab the buckets of rice, bean, and veggie mix, let’s call it mush for lack of a better term, the line of kids have already started. At my first feeding, I realized, I was ‘working’ not ministering. I grabbed each dish from the small hand and filled it up then handed it back. I did not look into the eyes of the starving child, thankful for at least one guaranteed meal that day. Sure it’s easy to do what needs to be done, feel good about yourself then leave. But let me tell you, the moment you open your eyes and stare into the life you are saving, everything changes. There is something that captures you about these Filipino children. You would never know that they have not eaten for days or weeks just by looking at their expressions. The joy that resinates within them is baffling. It’s almost like they are waiting for you to stop, look at them, smile and everything in their world is ok for that moment. Then you move your eyes down from their smiles and to their skeleton-like limbs, and reality sinks in. So I made it a point to take in as many features of the child’s face as possible, as I started scooping ‘mush’ into their cup, I was captivated by their smiles and thankful hearts, yet I couldn’t help but feel anger and confusion creeping it’s way in.
Is OUR God greater here in the slums?
Is OUR God stronger?
Is OUR GOD healing?
We pack up and head to the van, or so I thought, we started walking down the muddy trail to one of the shacks. I am anxious to see what is going on. We step foot into a little shanty, and then, our eyes were immediately drawn to, Reuben. Looking at him I would have guessed he was maybe 3 or 4 months old, but he was 7 months old. The family started to inform us that his mother left him and his dad was only 17, and he left as well. Reuben had nearly only had water from ONE bottle for 7 months. On top of that, the water, we could see, was clearly not clean. His older brother who was still a child himself, had been taking care of him for a few weeks now. I had no words, as I am standing there taking in every protruding bone in this body. Yet, this starving baby did not cry, once. I wanted to look away but I knew I was looking at a sad reality that I needed to face. Eventually after 'Ate' Rona, one of the ladies in charge of most of the feedings, did an evaluation and took some pictures, we all forced ourself to turn and walk away, not knowing the fate of Reuben. With every step I took I could not help but want to run back, take him with us, and make it better, but there is so much to go through before we can take him to the Orphanage.
Is OUR God greater than this?
Is OUR God strong enough to save this life?
Is OUR God healing?
Where this God I know?
Why are you not their God too?
Last night as I was laying in bed I was reminded of something my teammate Jamie shared with us once. And I heard God silently speak it to me again…
“Kathryn, if I was not their God I would not have sent you, be my hands and feet.”
I lay there silently weeping, I can’t explain the feelings rushing over me, but I can say it has ignited a different kind of drive inside of me.
I’ve decided to do a special video just for the feedings I have been attending it will have footage of Reuben, and other stories we have encountered. SO be on the lookout of that, I wish I could add it now but it’s not close to being finished. But here is a video of some pictures involving what wrote about.
