Fresh out of the rainy, cold woods of Gainesville, GA I’m almost immediately falling back into my “normal” lifestyle. All things warm, soft, clean, and easy… Laying in bed as long as I please, watching movies, bingeing on unnecessary snacks, avoiding conversation and kindness…
I know that I use this lifestyle- of comfort and convenience (one of most Americans)- as a padding to the brokenness of the world. It is so easy to temporarily sooth myself into forgetting about reality, responsibility, and guilt. It has long been a passion of mine to call people out in this area. Here is something I wrote about 5 yrs ago:
This is how I feel, yet I find that I am speaking to myself here today.
This past week has really made me look at myself, and some areas of brokenness, pain, loss, etc… in my own life, and honestly don’t want to deal with them. It would be easier not to try. It would be more comfortable. It would be less daunting. It is most frustrating to see all of this, and not be able to fix it.
“Fixing” pain is all I I ever want to do. Whenever I see pain, hurt (brokenness) in other’s lives all I want is to make it better- I have lived for that, sacrificed, and strived for that. I love encouraging people to be vulnerable, and desire to “mourn with those who mourn”. BUT, in that, I have been blind to my own mourning, I have forgotten that I am not the “Great healer”, I cannot heal myself. I can not neglect my wounds. God wants to heal me. I need to let him.
