So what does all this mean about being “called” onto this trip? That phrase kind of annoys me…. I don’t know if I “feel” like I’m “called” to do this.
I WANT to do this. I certainly have a passion for this kind of thing. I have a desire (that I believe is God-given) to serve- to DO- to move- to live in a super authentic and raw way, and to love people through “acts of service” and “quality time”- those are my love languages- those things come easier to me.
I WANT to live with less- simpler life. Freedom from societal pressure and keeping up appearances. I WANT to just be. I WANT minimal needs- I WANT to put others before myself. I WANT to see more. I WANT adventure. I WANT to go where no one has gone, see what no one has seen, and do what no one has done.
But what is this then? Fear enters. What if I’m just doing this as a thrill-seeker? What if I’m just doing this because it “looks good”? What if this is just something I WANT? What if I’m just doing this to prove something? What makes this any different than just anyone going on just any trip? I shouldn’t feel like I have to prove the validity of the trip or have a good “reason”/”calling” to be going- but I do feel like I have to…
I NEED to learn more things about myself. I NEED something or someone to push me in my relationship with God, to hold me accountable. I NEED to be knocked off my “good works” high horse. I NEED to stop trying to impress people. I NEED to figure out what my story is and why it is mine, and why it is not perfect but still valid. I NEED to learn who it is God made me to be, not who others “make” me to be. I NEED a change, an internal renovation.
But there are other ways I could do that. There are cheaper ways. There are safer, and easier ways. There are also more difficult ways, there are worse places in life that I could get to- not just physically- but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I NEED something that is different, new, and active, something that combines my WANTs with my NEEDs…
I KNOW that the World Race has plenty of potential to help make these things happen. I KNOW that God has His own plan to make these happen. I KNOW that I need to work on my relationship with Him. A lot. I KNOW that I do not trust Him enough. I KNOW that I have falsified expectations. I KNOW that I my not get what I WANT, or what I think I NEED.
But God knows what I NEED. He knows what I WANT. I KNOW He will surprise me. I KNOW He will take care of me. I KNOW that He will help me grow. I KNOW that it won’t be easy. I KNOW I NEED and WANT your help.
I WANT you to WANT to help- not feel obligated
I NEED you to pray for me and to give to me financially
I KNOW that you may not be able to help me financially, or you might not even have the same faith as I do, but I KNOW you will do what you can, and what God leads you to.
