I’m homesick.
I DON’T want to go home. But I’m homesick.
As a camp counselor, I never understood the kids who were so homesick that they couldn’t make themselves have fun..at CAMP!
Now I get it.
This halfway hump month has been hard on a lot of us. And I certainly have struggled to find all that ‘JOY’ that I talked about at the beginning of the race. I’m tired physically and emotionally. I’m tired of constantly praying for strength and patience. I miss being able to control my emotions and having confidence. I’m tired of wearing the same nasty stretched out clothes. Bugs. Sweating again the second I step out of the shower. Having questionable meals and abnormal stomach issues. I miss my friends and I miss my family. It’s hard to see facebook pictures of everyone enjoying weekends together while I’m a world away. I miss my church. I’m sick of being cat-called and feeling nasty because of the men in this country. I miss my bed and being taken care of sometimes.
I knew this year would be tough, but I typically am a ‘have it all together’ person…boy was that a front! I’m a mess. But there is no place I’d rather be. There really isn’t. For when I am weak, He is strong. I have control over nothing; God is sovereign. My first thought in the morning is ‘God help!’ What a humbling place to be. I wouldn’t trade the character God will grow from perseverance for anything. I wish He would hurry up! But breaking down and building back up doesn’t happen over night. We are servants, because Christ came to serve. Thank goodness God loves us so much! It makes all of this craziness so wonderful.
I was hesitant to post this blog. But figured only posting happy thoughts for a full year didn’t give an honest account of this experience. When I look back on this month, this is truly how it’s been. I fully support the World Race, if God calls you to serve in this way…do it, you won’t be sorry.
