I must say I am surprised it has taken this long before the breakdown before the realization of, I am actually doing this. I was sitting in church during worship where I normally do with the people I normally sit around, and it hit me. It hit me that I won’t be here for much longer I won’t sit where I normally sit, I won’t be surrounded by the people I am normally surrounded by, my Sundays are limited with the people in my life and it made me weep. I am so blessed with the way my life is and the support system I have. I like that we go out to eat after church, I like that we do life together during the week, and I love the people that speak into my life. I had a moment and a realization life will go on while I am gone, and that terrifies me. It terrifies me that I will come back and people have moved on, there will be someone else sitting in the seat I would normally sit in, and there will be and there is nothing that I can do about that. Sometimes when I am talking to people it feels like I am dying. It feels like every time I talk to someone it is the last time we will speak, but its not. I have to be reminded that life will go on but so will mine. I will have new Sundays that don’t look the same as they do now but that is ok. I will have new people speaking into my life, and sharing meals with and doing life during the week together. That excites me, and it should. God is definitely growing me in this stage of my life because it is unknown and that is not the way I like it but that is life and the beauty of God and his plan. He sees the big picture and I am so thankful for that. He has me on this journey because this is his plan for my life, it was defiantly not what I saw for my life when I was in High School but now I can’t see my self doing anything but this adventure right now. I just want to say thank you for the love and support that I have been given. There is no way I would be where I am today with out you all, I will miss you so much but I know you are praying for me and will continue to encourage me as I am on this crazy adventure called life.
John 16:33
PS: Thanks for reading and bare with me as I get the hang of this whole blogging thing.
