Frodo, an un-expecting Hobbit from the Shire. Now, hobbits are simple creatures who prefer to be left alone to their own whims. They have a love for food and fellowship, and don’t like to be bothered by much. Frodo’s life changed when his Uncle Bilbo left him with a great ring of power. It turns out that this ring was to bring the destruction of Middle Earth so Frodo had to go on a great journey to destroy it. Frodo didn’t want to go on this journey-it was to be dangerous and there were a lot of unknowns that he would face. He would as Gandalf why he was the one to do this; that he wished the ring would never have come to him. That he was no one important, and didn’t want to bear the weight of this journey. Thankfully, he had his friends with him (Sam, Merry, Pippin and Aragorn) that would help him along the road.
There has been many times this month that I have felt this way. I have wondered why God has sent me on this pilgrimage…one that I do not feel like I am prepared to finish. I liked my old life; I loved my friends, family and community. I did not want to leave them to begin with, and being away from home for 5 months now I want nothing more than to be with them again. There have been many moments where I have wanted to give up and go home. I am tired and discouraged, and the main that thought that has been going through my head has been “I just want to go home; I just need to go home.” It has been a constant thought, one that I cannot get rid of no matter how much I pray or how much I focus on the task at hand. Basically I have been miserable to the point that I cannot bear it anymore. I’ve heard that month 5-7 are the hardest, and I am hoping that is what it is. I am hoping that when I get to Kenya in a couple of days that I will have a paradigm shift in my mind.
With all of these thoughts, is it enough to go home? I do not want to quit the race and will not unless God very clearly tells me to go home. As Philippians says I will run the race set for me with perseverance. What if Frodo decided to forget the journey in front of him and go back to the Shire. Well, doom would have befallen all of Middle Earth and evil would have conquered. If I were to quit things wouldn’t be quite so drastic-Earth would not come to an end. But would I become the person God made me to be? I would I do the great work he has set before me? What would I miss out on? I cannot say for sure, but I think I would live with regrets.
I pray that these thoughts go away, because I do not know how much longer I will be able to endure this. I trust that God will give me his strength, but I still have me hesitations. I’ve been speaking on trials and mountains in our lives, and the growth that comes from them. It has been speaking to me as I am preaching to others. It is a good reminder and offers some comfort.
I will continue to keep movie forward, and remember the lessons from Frodo. When he began his journey he sang this song. I too think of this song as I enter into month 6 almost the half-way point of the race).
The road goes ever on and one
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the road has gone,
And I must follow if I can,
Pursuing with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And wither then? I cannot say.
