This week has been an emotional roller coaster for me-with plenty of ups and downs. On Sunday morning, the first thought that I woke up with was “What in the world am I doing here, I want to go home”. I mean, leaving the comforts of home for 11 months to be anything but comfortable (spiritually, physically and mentally). I’m not going to lie, I’m questioning what I’m doing-wondering if this is what God truly wants me to do but I am growing more confident in the decision.
The other day, I was blind (ok, so it was only for a half hour or so). I had to fully rely on my teammates to get me from point ‘A’ to point ‘B’. Some of them were crippled, missing an arm or leg, or contagious. We all had something wrong with us. This is kind of like real life-I am entering this race blind, my faith is completely on God. Just like I had to trust the girls not to lead me astray or into trees, I need to trust that God knows what he is doing. Not as easy as it sounds.
Let’s rewind to Saturday night, my first night here. We had a great band lead us in worship but it wasn’t anything I’ve experienced before-it was very charismatic in worship style. People were dancing, shouting, making any noise they could. I’m not used to this; I’m free Methodist for goodness sakes! I was skeptical, my heart was hard, and I was filled with unbelief. But, slowly this week God has been changing that, and showing me in little ways that I can trust him. Sure, I have my concerns; how in the world am I going to have energy to get through this (one of these days I hope to be writing that God has cured me of my fatigue!), or with my diabetes. But even with that, God has proven faithful. People have been watching my back, making sure I’m ok and genuinely being concerned. I had one girl (who isn’t even on my squad, they are leaving in October) give me her egg at dinner one night when the rest was mostly carbs. She did not know me, yet she sacrificed her own comfort so that I would be all right. How awesome is that?? That’s what being in a community is like. I am still concerned, I’ve had plenty of lows (and all my extra money is going to food on the race) I just need to trust Him.
So what have I learned on this training?
1. Trusting God is hard
2. I HATE heat and humidity (Oh, God’s sense of humor )
3. I really want a diet coke and coffee
4. It will all be ok- God has my back.
Am I ready to leave in a month? No, not really….it’s coming up way too quickly. But even if I was on the January trip, would I be ready a month before to leave my family and friends? My comfort and safety? No, I doubt not. So, I begin this journey into the unknown-completely blind, with God’s hand holding mine leading me down the path.
