Last month my team and I were serving at Bykota house in Phnom Phen, Cambodia. Our ministry was to serve the family and the children of the home. We had people on our team who have worked with special needs before so they were able to help out immensely. The rest of the team minus myself worked in the school. I was placed with the families younger children to teach kindergarten. When this was presented to me at first, I thought I would just be assisting the mother teaching school. However, the first day I got there I learned I would be the one leading everything. This is where Papa decided to teach me a thing or two about love.
The reasons I came on the race today are completely different from when I started this journey. The Lord sent me on this trip to wreck me for his glory. To love me and love me hard. One of the ways I started to realize this was through reading the Shack. A book I wanted to read since the beginning of the race but for some reason didn’t start until last month. Looking back I know why the Lord had me read it later in the race. It wouldn’t have affect me in the same way.
Through a simple book he revealed himself to me in a way I wouldn’t let him before. I became aware of how simple his love is for each of us. We are the ones who decide to make it difficult. We almost handicap his love for us. If you take the time and pursue him you will be amazed at the amount he has been pursuing you this whole time. It doesn’t matter what we have done, what we continue to do, or what we will end up doing. His love is so big, so overwhelming he doesn’t see us as disappointments, he sees us as sons and daughters.
While teaching the three children everyday for a month I was able to see a glimpse of the love our father has for us. Two of the children have what the family thinks may be autism but probably more than that knowing their past. All three come from rough backgrounds and they are all under the age of 8. The boy was found as a baby in a village not taken care of. His mother had tried to kill him multiple times, he stayed alive by feeding on dogs in the village. He was brought to Bykota and the family ended up raising him. The older of the two girls was found as a baby with something clearly wrong with her, she had a large head and very small body. This orphanage is now shut down because of the ways they abused these children. The family was able to take her home in order to get medical attention. She is now a part of their family. Lastly the youngest of the three, her mother was trafficked when she was younger and ended up pregnant. She couldn’t take care of the baby and there is clearly a lot of emotional damage that goes into a situation like that. However her story is unique because she has a relationship with her birth mother.
The reason I go into all of this is to show how I was able to see the Lord in each of them. So many times I would either get frustrated or just want to give up because it was so hard to get them to listen. Even when I would say something they would flat out not listen. I had to stop and just sit in silence for a second to figure out different ways to go about the situation. One day I had this realization that this is how I feel the father looks at us. He loves us so much even when we constantly decide to not seek him he is always there waiting. He never loves us any less. He starts pursuing us in different ways in order that we might find him.
I was struck by hearing one of our raised up squad leaders story last night. She had people who fought for her in order to get her on track and call her out in areas of her life she needed to be called out in. I started to realize I never had that… I never had people to really fight for me and my faith and to call me out in areas that i needed called out in. Which is why the Lord brought me on this race he wanted to put people in my life to fight for me, to call me out. He wanted his love to overwhelm me the way it has for so many others. I am honored and blessed to be loved so well by my heavenly Father, one who pursues me so well and gives me exactly what I need, when I need it.
