World Race training camp…wow. I was not expecting 10 days at training camp to be so challenging for me considering that I have been through the 13 weeks of Army Basic Training. This was a different kind of challenging though, and I quickly learned to stop making the military comparisons because this trip is not going to be something to “get through” and “endure”, but rather something to cherish and enjoy. Luckily I realized within the first couple days that I didn’t have the right mind set at training camp and that instead of reverting to my military coping techniques I had to slooooow down, acknowledge my emotions, and live more fully in the moment.
Training camp was basically an overload of physical, mental, and spiritual challenges jam packed in to a week. Overall, definitely a rewarding experience that I am still processing and learning from. I can’t possibly share it all so I will just share one part.
For the first part of the week we had a lot of worship and some VERY intense speakers. It seemed like so many people were experiencing huge spiritual/emotional breakthroughs. Like really…tears everywhere. So…I was really enjoying the worship but not really on a deeper level, it was more of just the way I enjoy any music that I like…it was great, but I didn’t feel like I was really getting lost in it. I felt the same way about the speakers…it was really interesting information and definitely had my attention, but it wasn’t connecting with me in a deep, soul level way. I don’t know if anyone can relate but I was starting to get really worried about why I wasn’t hearing from The Lord at training camp because it seemed like everyone else was.
This has happened to me before when everyone else around me seems to be getting rocked by the Holy Spirit and I’m feeling like I can’t get connected. Then there are other times when I get so much out of something and it seems like other people did not. So I was praying about this and just felt like it was one of those things where I had to remember not to compare myself to other people and other people’s relationships with God. Sometimes He is silent and sometimes He highlights something just for you. He can do whatever He wants.
It was really discouraging me that I couldn’t get in to the zone with God at camp and I was praying trying to figure out if I had some unconfessed sin or something that was burdening me…but I wasn’t getting anything in response.
Finally, I went to a workshop that was about creative journaling. I thought we were going to be going over how to make our blogs more interesting but I was so excited when I found out what we were actually doing. Creative journaling is using paint, pictures, or really anything that you want, as a way to connect with God. This is a totally new concept for me and I LOVE IT!! We started out just cutting out pictures and words from magazines that stood out to us and praying about them to see what God would reveal to us about ourselves. God used it to show me some things that I didn’t even know I had been feeling (way too long to explain).
After the journaling experience partnered with me being sooooo sooooo soooo excited about the team I am on because they are absolutely perfect, I felt like the burden was lifted off of me and I was back to feeling like myself.
So I think the thing I learned the most from training camp is that its OK to not “feel” the presence of The Lord even when everyone around you is. Its OK to be honest about not feeling it. The important thing is KNOWING He is still there, the breakthrough is on the way. I also learned that I don’t have all the words and language to explain a lot of the things that I feel…and that is where creative journaling comes in, by putting different pictures and words together, it helps me give meaning to my emotions when I can’t necessarily put it in to words.
So that is just one small part of training camp but there were also a lot of encounters with spiders, bucket showers, tarp night (PLEASE NEVER AGAIN), I was too tired to bother blowing up my sleeping pad half the time, and my tent became my home away from home.
