I Grieve…I Step Forward

 

First off, I am in awe that I am 60% funded which allows me to leave
with my team, my gear is bought, and I will be

“Leaving on a jet plane…don’t know when ill be back again!”

Secondly, my deep desire is to be desperately, honestly real and
transparent before ya’ll this next year!

I tend to get mad at myself because I feel that I am as readable as a
book….which I only seem to notice the most when its those times I just want to
hold face and appear strong.

But I am the me He created; broken; beautiful; willing; and I hope to
show you all that He sees.

 

It is only 4 days till I leave the country to love the broken hearts
around the world, and yet I struggle with wondering why my own heart brokenly
beats within me.

The grieving of goodbyes. The pain of letting go. The things that tear
my heart.

I kept listening over and over to this song Broken by Lifehouse.

You know when you hear or read something that speaks stronger than
anything you can verbalize.

Well this is one of those situations. So I just let go and let pieces I
took from this song speak to you from my heart, my fears, and my brokenness.

 

 

…I am here still waiting
Though I have my doubts
I am damaged at best
Like you’ve already figured out
 
            The
broken locks were a warning
            you got inside my head
            I
tried my best to be guarded
            I’m
an open book instead
            And
I still see YOUR reflection
            Inside
of my eyes
            That
are looking for purpose
             They’re
still looking for life

                        I’m hanging on another day
                        Just to see what, you will throw my
way
                        And I’m hanging on, to the words you
say
                        You said that I will, will be okay
 
                                    I’m falling apart
                                    I’m barely breathing
                                    With a broken heart
                                    That’s still beating
                                    In the pain
                                    There is healing
                                    In YOUR
name
                                    I find meaning
                                    So I’m holding on (I’m still
holdin’)
                                    I’m Barely holding on to YOU (I’m still holdin on)
                                   

 

In the tears of goodbyes  … I AM

In the unanswered questions     …       I AM

In the helplessness    …              I AM

In the disappointment       …        I AM

In the still hanging on          …           I AM

 Louie Giglio

            
                                                                                                                        i am not, but i know I AM

 

i grieve. let go.  see YOUR face.  step
forward …  follow.