Have you ever been a little over waist deep in the ocean on a particularly windy day? You will get hit by some pretty big waves and right as you’re standing back up, getting the saltwater out of your eyes and mouth and beginning to regain your balance from the first wave… you get hit by another wave all over again.
Well, that’s how I have been feeling with life lately. One wave after another, one trial after another, one fear after another, one heartbreak after another. I constantly felt like I was drowning in the waves and as I was trying to recover from the last one, another one would hit and wipe me right back off of my feet. With launch quickly approaching, I was not exactly sure what I was going to do or how I could possibly handle another wave, all I knew was that I needed Jesus and I needed him desperately.
On Monday morning, I drove to the beach with my aunt for a short two-day trip before I headed back to work. Truthfully, the five hour drive both ways did not seem worth it at first, but God knew where I needed to be. Monday was tough. I sat on the beach all afternoon doubting God’s timing, His faithfulness and His provision for me in the midst of my current situations. I battled insecurities, negative self-talk and shed quite a few tears when I should have been enjoying the beauty of God’s creation right in front of me.
I knew something needed to change but I had no way of knowing the way God was going to show up and show off for me that night. I knew that there were quite a few things that I needed to leave at the feet of Jesus and walk away from. These were burdens, relationships, insecurities and fears that I have held on to so tightly for so long and have truthfully gotten me nowhere- they were the waves that kept knocking me over one by one. I started journaling while I was on the beach and made a list of those things that I was going to release to Jesus and walk away from, once and for all. It felt so freeing to write them down, but God was far from done.
I ended up spending 40 minutes on the phone with one of my squadmates that evening who just encouraged me, spoke life into me and prayed over me before I headed back out to the beach to do quiet time with the Lord. His words were comforting, uplifting and just what I needed to hear in that moment. Sidenote: never underestimate the power of community and your brothers and sisters in Christ. They can help pull you out of the waves when you’re drowning.
I got back out to the beach with my bible, journal and chair and somehow knew exactly what I needed to do. I took the list I had written down earlier and one by one wrote those names, words and fears in the sand. And with each one, I got to watch the waves come and wash it away. Person by person. Fear by fear. Doubt by doubt. I gave them to the Lord and let His grace wash over me with each individual word that was wiped away. It was freeing, it was beautiful and I felt a sense of peace that I haven’t felt in months. All of the sudden, I didn’t feel like I was drowning anymore. I wasn’t holding my breath in expectation of the next wave that was about to hit. Y’all, God is so good.
Am I saying that those relationships are now completely healed, those doubts will never creep back into my mind and those fears will never cross my mind again? Absolutely not, I’m still human and I’m still broken. But what I am saying is that there is a freedom in leaving them at the foot of the Cross and trusting them to God completely. He can restore even the most broken relationships, heal the most detrimental heartbreaks, break chains and lift burdens from a messy past, and release fear and doubts that seem impossible to overcome. He will do all of those things in His perfect timing, but the first step for me was to release them to Him and let His grace wash over me as I let them go individually to Him.
The best part about the entire process? I went back over the list at the end and realized that there were 11 things I had written down on that piece of paper. 11 words, 11 months and 11 new ways for God to show up and show off His power and His glory.
So today, let go and let God. Start releasing those burdens, those broken relationships and that heartbreak to Him and allow His grace to flood your heart. He will do it, I can promise you that.
