A few years ago, as a Summer Missionary in Alaska, I was helping run a week long camp with my team. The four of us decided to prepare a “special treat” for the campers, and choreographed a stellar hip hop number for the talent show. Naturally, our first choice for music was the incredibly talented Canadian phenomenon, Justin Bieber. Our song of choice, “Never Say Never”. We nailed every move. We were the camp HIT! [Actually, that is the only non-hyperbole to this story]— Ok, so the whole thing was horribly cheesy… like Rolling On The Floor Laughing Out Loud awful cheesy. And as these kinds of things tend to do, that song has been intermittently stuck in my head ever since that fateful week in 2011. Miserable, I know.
Just a Glimpse at “Gary’s Girls”, and their fab dancing skills. 😉
Ok… lets get to the point. While I would not generally suggest taking life and/or spiritual advice from any pop culture icon, I think the Biebs was on to something here. Never Say Never. You’ve heard people say that at least a few times, I’m sure. But let me tell you what.. it’s SO true! Especially when it comes to telling God “I’ll never (fill in the blank)”. My parent’s have told me this many a time, and have a book’s worth of stories of their own about how God has turned that statement on it’s head for them. But for today, we will stick to a different story.
For the past I don’t even know how long, I have been quite insistent that kids are just not my thing. You might have noticed me mentioning in my last blog that visiting orphanages are “not my groove”. I’ve got a whole fistful of different ways to say it, but it all boils down to me being pretty insistent that I do not work with kids. I just don’t. Over the past few months, I have begun to understand some of the underlying reasons for that, most of which I won’t get into because it isn’t relevant. A few bottom line reasons boil down to – A. I’m terrified. Terrified of not having control, Of something going horribly wrong, and being responsible. B. I know myself. I have a terrible propensity for anger, and an unfortunately short patience span (is that a thing? It is now.). Combine those two things with kids, who are known for pushing buttons, being wild, and getting on nerves. Sounds like a terrible idea to me, so lets just avoid it altogether.
A funny thing happens when you start to build something like that up in your head. The more you work to avoid it, the scarier it gets in your mind. So the longer I avoided kids and kids ministry of all kinds, the more scared I have gotten of working with kids, or being around them in general. It had gotten so bad that the past few years, that I’d decided that I did not even want to have kids of my own. (Surprise mom… I never was quite sure how to break that news on you. :/ Being single kind of helped me defer it for longer. Sorry.) Kids were just NOT my thing. Nothing anyone said could convince me of anything else.
Fast forward to the Race, Month 1 in India. 85% of our ministry was related to children in one way or another. I was overwhelmed, annoyed, and just not OK with. I was so thankful to have women on my team who were super experienced in children’s ministry, and also to have other women who were almost as hesitant to work with kids as I was. I’m not sure how I survived that month, but somehow I did. My team gently teased me, reminding me that I came on the World Race. Did I really think I was going to get away with 11 months of ministry that was not children related? – Well, actually, as a matter of fact, I was! I was quite intent on it.
And I got pretty close. The next 5 months I was blessed to work with youth and adults in various capacities. I was incredibly thankful.
Last month, as we were preparing to go visit the orphanage for one day, I was terrified. Orphanages to me were like the cherry on top of working with kids.. the ultimate fear (weird comparison. Just roll with it). Don’t ask me why I decided orphanages were the ultimate evil, I really don’t have an answer. They just terrified me. But a funny thing happened that day. I actually *gasp* enjoyed it! In less than two hours the Lord took years of fear and resistance and began to melt it all away. Not only did those beautiful children show me how much the Lord had changed and softened my heart, but they also showed me that I don’t have to do it all on my own. It is not by my strength or effort, but by the Spirit of the Lord that I find the patience, love, and grace to work with kids. – It was a foundation shaking day.
A few weeks later, I was informed of my second greatest fear coming on the Race (#1, naturally, being assigned to an orphanage for an entire month). We would be volunteer teaching at a preschool/kindergarten for the month. But Lord, I am NOT a teacher.. I’m barely learning to maybe be ok with being around kids, but I am definitely not ready to take on teaching children!
But teaching children we were.
The day we boarded the bus for North Malaysia, headed to our small town preschool, I felt an odd peace. I was still terrified at the idea of having to teach kids, but I had this gut feeling that the Lord had something big waiting for me in North Malaysia. And boy was I right!
The weekend after our first week of teaching, I was spending some time praying, listening, and journaling. Then suddenly it felt like the Lord had hit me with a sack of bricks.
“I want you to teach preschool after the Race.”
Umm……… say what? I have said multiple times that I would NEVER teach, despite having been told on many occasions that I would make a great teacher. But no sir-ee.. that was NOT something I was even remotely interested in.
But the Lord was clear, and firm.
“Teach Preschool”.
And then he began to lay before me a big picture: connecting experiences of the past, things spoken over me, things I had experienced (and LOVED) during that first week of teaching here in Malaysia, and even things that He had been laying on my heart about taking up a non-ministry position for some time after the Race. It was like the most epic “connect the dots” picture I’d ever seen. And the finished picture: Kat teaching preschool.
I would be lying if I said I accepted it right away. It has been several weeks, and the thought still makes my stomach churn a little (or a lot!). But the Lord has continued to confirm it over and over and OVER since that day in the middle of that journal session.
I have begun looking at potential options, and trying to decide where I am supposed to start this new life as a teacher (Even typing that word …… teacher.… makes me sweat.. but maybe that is just the Malaysian humidity… I’m not sure). I still have a lot of praying and seeking and applications to turn in.
I was still incredibly hesitant to post a blog about it. After all, it’s not official till it’s internet official. So, as long as I kept it between my parents and my team, then maybe I could find an escape route. Lame, I know. Just being honest here.
Last night, we got together with our contacts for one last worship session. During worship, our main contact spoke up, saying He was getting a word from the Lord that he just wanted to confirm that the Lord was calling someone in the room to work with children. – My entire team stopped worshiping, turned and looked at me, and I burst into laughter. Yep… this thing is real.
So here I am.. making it “Blog Official”. Write it down, it’s one for the books. Kat Kendall is pursuing a career as a Preschool Teacher.
As I lay on my sleeping mat last night, swatting away mosquitoes and trying to not think about the sweat trickling down my forehead, I racked my brain for a way to bring a nugget of wisdom along with this public declaration. And all I could think of was Justin Bieber. Yep, Never Say Never.
Trust me, God has quite the sense of humor, and loves to prove you wrong. So take Justin’s advice, and watch what you say. Who knows, you might find yourself in a tiny town in Malaysia, deciding to take on the one career you feared most. 😉
Here is a sneak peak at my fabulous life the past few weeks. Coloring, ABC’s, Snack Times, and Pajama days. Oh the fun a Preschool Teacher gets to have!
