Well, it has been almost exactly a month since I last updated my blog. And a lot has happened!
I moved away from California, made a pitstop in Indiana for my cousin's wedding, moved home, and got a new job. Whew! A lot can happen in just 1 short month! I can't imagine how crazy my months will be next year, when I move COUNTRIES every month!
But before we can get to that excitement, I have to survive the preparation stage. And frankly, most days I doubt that I will make it. I try to have a policy of openness and honesty on by blogs, but before I can be honest with my followers, I have to be honest with myself.
So here we are. I'm writing to you in hopes of being able to confront myself in the process. Bottom line: I don't think I can do this. I don't think I will be able to get the funds I need to even make my first deadline.
I have 2 weeks, and over 3,000 dollars to raise. And I wake up every day wondering how on earth I thought that was going to be possible? Every night I go to bed wondering when I need to call it quits and throw in the towel.
But there is this tiny whisper in the back of my mind, always reminding me that I can't do it, but God is able to do immeasurably more than what I can bother to ask or imagine. So why can't I trust him?
Sunday I had the privilege of singing with the choir at my parent's church, then later singing the special music with my mama. As I tend to do, I ended up having both of the songs stuck in my head for the rest of the day and on into the next week. It amazes even me that I can be singing to myself "All things are possible", while doubting if I'm going to make my deadlines. Or how I can sing "My God is Awesome.. He can move mountains" while simultaneously despairing over how much gear I have to buy in a month. Seriously?! How can a person be THAT conflicted?
I have said time and time again that God will provide, and I've seen God provide for my needs my entire life. And even in this time while I am stressing about how my deadline will be met, I am witnessing God provide for my squad over and over again. So how do I get myself to believe it? To be honest, I don't really know right now..
