Being an English major, I love looking in my thesaurus and dictionary to gain a deeper meaning of a word. For example, afraid is defined as “filled with fear or apprehension”, “filled with concern or regret over an unwanted situation”, and “having a dislike for something”. There are tons of words that relate to the term afraid, like anxious, nervous, intimidated, worried, careful, cautious, and my personal favourite, unadventurous. That’s right,
unadventurous. Okay so what’s my point?
I have been struggling with starting the whole blog thing because I know that it’s final. This trip is actually happening. I don’t know about my fellow teammates, but the first few weeks I have felt like I am not actually going. It’s just something I am saying. And in all honesty, I have been feeling afraid.
I can be a very indecisive person at times. Sometimes I feel like I don’t know what I am supposed to do. I guess you could say I am blessed because I have so many options open to me. I could continue on with schooling to become a teacher, I could take schooling to learn more sign language, I could work and live in the big city (which is Vancouver, out here on the west coast). I know we all struggle with what we should do versus what we want to do. But really, it’s something that has been on my mind for a while now.
So back to the definition.
I have been filled with fear and apprehension. I wonder if I am adventurous enough to make it through this trip. Is adventurous even a word that I would use to describe myself? But then, God steps in. I have been going for walks every morning to start the physical training for the trip (I’m startin’ slow lol). When I am walking, I feel peace. My heart is at rest. I don’t worry about all the ‘what ifs’ and I am reminded that this is going to be one amazing year…one that I won’t soon forget. I know that God is going to show all of us that this trip isn’t about us at all…it isn’t about our worries or fears, but rather about him. He will allow us to make it through the 11 months. He wants us on this trip. Whether I truly believe it or not I have been called to
go. Now it is time to put aside being afraid. It is time to just focus on our creator, our amazing King.
It has begun. Here is to the next year and a half.
Just like God says to Abram in his vision,
“Do not be afraid, Abram.
I am your shield,
your very great reward. (Genesis 15:1)
We have nothing to worry about.
