I do this thing where when I first write something I'm like, "Man I am AWESOME. This is the best thing that has ever been written and I am a beast." But then the more I read it… I start to be like, "Wow this sucks and you're actually kind of stupid…" Which is why I now write blogs and immediately post them so those feelings can't even creep in! But! The Holy Spirit doesn't bash me… And He doesn't call me or my writing stupid so that's not of Him… Which is why I decided to post this. I wrote it a while back, and it really helped free me at the time, so maybe someone else needs to read it. All I know is I keep coming back to it, so… Here it is.
To my amazing supporters,
I have a confession to make. I realized today that I was too worried about proving to you that your money is going to good use, than doing following The Lord. Obviously, the two should go hand in hand… But I believe I have been adding stress to myself by worrying about you judging my ministry. This is absolutely not because of anything you have said or done, it's just because I wanted to make you all proud. But, I can't let that be my driving force or I'm doing everything on my own, for my own glory. I realized today, the only person I should be striving to please is God, or my heart is not in the right place. I should be wanting to make Him proud! I felt so obligated to please you all because of your donations, but you didn't give any money to me! You gave to The Lord! Your donations were gifts to Him, not to me! So there is no need for me to worry about the money because it was never mine! This letter is more for myself than for you, but I wanted to apologize for trying to steal Gods glory by striving for your affirmations. I trust that you gave to support me as the Holy Spirit led you, and to please God not me. So now I will do the same. Whether I'm picking weeds out of our ministry contacts garden or preaching the gospel to a group of 10,000 people, know that it is what God planned for me to do before I was born! And that I am being obedient to Him no matter if it seems significant or not. Trust that I will follow every leading of the Holy Spirit in an effort to bring the kingdom of heaven to earth, not to gain your approval. And I will blog as much as I can to keep you updated, so that we can celebrate each victory over the enemy together!
Thank you all again for your donations, not because you think I can do great things… but because you know God can. I love you all. 🙂
