So, even though I put on a facade of "pure macho" with my petite 5'2" build… I have had an ongoing battle with fear. I know… Shocking right? I've been afraid of the dark… spiders… snakes… and most of all FAILURE. I'm a huge perfectionist! I have had perfect grades my whole life, I've played sports pretty competitively most of my life, and I have loved to gain the approval of others through my performance.
The enemy has really been using this against me lately… Especially with support raising. I imagine not raising the support I need, failing miserably and losing my college scholarship as well. He has even been fighting me with smaller things as well. I was afraid to post my testimony because of feelings of inadequacy… I was afraid to take a chance and meet some of the people that will be on my squad because, "What if they don't like me???" lol. I know it seems silly, and don't get me wrong, I know the reason I am going is not to make friends (although its a huge bonus and I love them all already!), but I wanted to share with you how God has been fighting this battle for me on the opposite end!
Each time one of these doubts come into my mind I immediately think of 2 Timothy 1:7:
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline."
God has not given us a spirit of fear! I can be bold through the power of the Holy Spirit that lives inside of me! After each of these feelings of doubt, I immediately realize it is not God and pray in repentance for my lack of faith! I KNOW my God is able to provide for me. I also KNOW with everything in me that He has called me to this trip for a purpose and it is not to watch me fail. He is going to provide for me and gain all the glory for everything my team and I are able to accomplish, and I don't have to worry or be afraid… I just have to be still and have faith. And each time I have stepped out in faith despite my fears God has blessed me!
Are you holding anything back from God because of fear? Don't let the enemy steal your blessing because you are afraid to step out in faith! Because that fear does not come from God… Listen closely to his voice and be obedient no matter the cost and He will provide!
