My heart is breaking….and I haven’t even left the country! Today (Monday) I had the opportunity to go to the beach along the ocean on the east coast down here in Florida. It had already warmed up quickly so I went right in the water. And just a side note, it doesn’t even compare to Lake Michigan. I’m pretty sure Lake Michigan never gets warm, no matter how warm it is outside; the ocean on the other hand was so warm and I’m convinced it probably can get too warm at times to where it’s not even refreshing. My experience was wonderful. I came back on shore to lay out for a bit, while my mom, dad, and aunt went to walk along the beach. As I lie there, I overheard a little girl really excited to go in the water and swim with her floaty. The next thing I heard was her grandma yelling at her granddaughter things like, “Are you stupid? You don’t listen. Smart people do it right. Are you retarded?” with quite a few choice words interjected about every two words.
As I listened, my heart began to cry out for this little girl. My head was spinning. I started praying, “Lord, please protect this little girl. Put a hedge around her and bring someone into her life at your perfect timing to tell her about God’s love.” But I still felt so helpless. What could I do to help her? I just wanted to save her from those words and tell her how smart and beautiful she is. I couldn’t stand it any longer, so I sat up to see her sitting on her towel (as her grandma wouldn’t let her move at all) trying to hold back the tears, closing in. All the sparkle, excitement, energy, and potential that girl had was pushed inside of her and told not to come out. My heart ached for her. What could I do? I started praying about whether I should go ask the grandma if I could play with her or not. I started getting this nervous feeling, could I really do this? Would she yell at me? Did it matter if she responded to me like I was crazy if it was a chance to show this girl she’s worth something?
As I continued to pray, God knew I needed a push and gave me the perfect opportunity. Her grandma through a little Nerf football across the beach and told her granddaughter to go after it. As she ran to get the ball in obedience (in order not to get yelled at again), I ran after the ball too, bent down to her level, and asked her if I could play too. Her face lit up and she said yes with a big smile! So, I started throwing the ball and each shot she got better. “Good throw!” I would say and “You almost caught it!” As we played she started to open up and tell me more stuff about herself. Her grandma came over to talk to us and was very kind to me and everyone else except her granddaughter. The four of us went out into the calm ocean waves and I asked the little girl some questions. She was so proud to tell me she was seven and that her name is Emma. She stays with grandma a lot on weekends and her favorite subject in school is math. As she got excited about how good she was at math, I began to think, ‘this could be one great teacher or architect someday,’ but I worry that too many years of defeating words and someone telling her she’s stupid in the next years could hide that and send her down a path of feeling worthless and having no potential.
The more I was around and got to know both of them, I learned Emma’s grandma’s name and she seemed to soften up in the way she talked to Emma. She was kinder and more gentle as she started to show Emma the seagulls and explain to her that they were trying to swoop down and grab live fish out of the ocean to eat. I soon realized that her grandma had a need to be noticed and loved too. Maybe one reason she may have been responding to Emma the way she was. I just wanted to pour God’s love out on both of them. I continued to befriend them and talk to them, to play ball, and hold Emma’s hand. When Emma’s g’ma went up on shore for a little bit to do something and was going to ask Emma to go with her so she could watch her, I asked if I could watch her. She had no problem with it and seemed to trust me comfortably by then. I started asking Emma more questions and told her she was smart. I told her she knew a lot and then asked her, “You know what Emma? You’re beautiful!” I wanted her to know that she was worth something no matter what other people said. She said thank you, paused for a little bit, and then asked, “Will you be my new mommy?” I sadly responded, “No, I can’t do that, but I WILL be your friend!” She hugged me and we continued to talk.
She later told me she goes to a private Baptist school her mom was paying lots of money for, which gave me great hope for her and what she is hearing from friends and teachers at school each day…words of affirmation. She layed back in her floaty tube, grabbed her stomach, and said, I’m chubby. I reminded her that she is beautiful and talked about the gym class she’s in and how she is learning to run more and play games involving exercise and likes it. When her grandma came back out, her and I talked some more about how her daughter had had Emma at the age of 17, and she had waited until she was 21 but isn’t married anymore. It was more brief comments rather than in depth. Grandma started to point out a school of fish underneath the water where down near the fishermen and noticed little ones popping out of the water everywhere, realizing that something (probably a barracuda) was trying to eat them. As time went on, we got out of the water to observe from shore and it was time for me to go. I told Emma that I had to leave and she insisted that I was going to stay and keep her safe. I
so wanted to scoop that little seven year old up and take her home with me, but I couldn’t. She asked if I was coming back, and I wished I could promise her that, but I couldn’t. She gave me a big hug before I left and didn’t want to let go, but she said bye and waved until I was out of site. I had one regret, even though she is at a Baptist school, I felt like God was telling me the whole time to tell her that God loves her no matter what anyone says, and I never said it. I pray that people around her at school surround her and pour out that love on her and tell her constantly that God loves her.
As I was thinking about it later, I realized this was just for a few short hours in one day that I grew attached to Emma and had to say my good-byes. How in the world am I going to be able to do that each month as I grow close to orphans in Africa or girls in trafficking in Asia? By the grace of God, He holds each of them in His hands…what a comforting relief to know, that even though I can’t be there, God is always there watching over each one!
