What is the benefit of feedback?
The benefit of feedback is that you’re hearing honest things about yourself that you probably don’t see, from the people who live with you all the time and can see you clearly. Sometimes that’s really encouraging stuff, and sometimes it’s the things you need to work on, but it’s always beneficial, and always meant to make you better.
How hard is feedback?
It’s pretty hard, honestly. It takes a lot of courage to give constructive feedback, and it takes a lot of humility to receive it. So long as everyone goes into correctly–those giving it are giving it graciously and with love, with a desire to make other person better, and those receiving it are not defensive, but willing to hear it, pray about it, and apply it–it’s really healthy.
Saddest moment?
Working at the soup kitchen my first month in Puerto Rico was really sad for me. Our first day there, a man OD’ed in his booth and had to be carried out on a stretcher. There was a woman who came in who was always strung out, always with a guy who we’re pretty sure was her pimp. We had many conversations with the homeless and broken people who came there, and their hopelessness, and knowing that there was only so much we could do, was really heart-breaking.
What advice would you give to future World Racers?
To the best of your ability, get your relationships in order before you leave home. Make sure the people you love know how much you love them, and don’t leave angry at anyone. Also, try to do creative things for those closest to you back home, it goes a long way when you have to go a few months without getting to talk to them. I mailed my best friend a packet of greeting cards for different occasions throughout the year. Another girl on my squad left a life-sized cardboard cutout of herself with her family. When you’re on the field, you want to be fully invested, so do something sweet for the ones you’re leaving behind for the year.
What is it like to live in community 24/7?
It depends on the day! It’s really fun to always have someone to talk to, play games with, or have a coffee date with. It’s beneficial to have someone who sees you all the time, and can tell you hard things. It’s a relief to have people who share the burden of cooking and cleaning, who go with you to the doctor if you’re sick, and who probably know where you left you water bottle. But it’s hard to never have the option of alone time.
What do you wish people at home knew about Race life so they can support you better?
I’m sure they know this by now, but I often feel guilty for not having more time or access to internet so I could Skype home or have in-depth conversations with my friends. When I do have internet good enough for Skype, I also have people around, so it’s hard to have a really personal conversation. I do SUPER appreciate encouraging emails and messages though! Not just encouraging, I also really love reading what’s going on in your life–email me all the details! Tell me about your vacation, and work, and the last book you read, and what you’re worried about. It makes me feel like we’re having coffee and catching up.
How difficult is it to have no expectations? Or to not know the plan, or have the plans change often?
This was a lot easier before I started team leading. I’m generally a go-with-the-flow person, so I’m ok to just show up and be directed. But now that I’m leading a team, I feel like I’m supposed to have more answers. The plans change a lot, last minute, or we’ll just show up somewhere and have to figure it out as we go. It’s hard for me to not have expectations though– for example, I’ll receive an email before we enter a new country with all the available details about our host, what the ministry will be like, what the town is like, where we’ll be sleeping, if we’ll be partnered with another team, etc. It’s impossible not to picture all of these things in my mind. Then we show up, and it’s never anywhere close to what I imagined. Sometimes it’s better, sometimes I feel disappointed. It’s good advice to not have any expectations, but it’s hard to live out.
How have you changed since being on the Race?
My Spanish has improved significantly, for starters. I feel like a totally different person than I was when I started. The way that I think about God and what He can do is so different. I knew He was good and personal and powerful before I left home, but I didn’t know how good and personal and powerful. I think my eyes are more opened now to others’ needs and pain than they were before too. And now I love coconuts, I want coconut rice and coconut water everyday.
How do you find time with God when doing so much ministry, and why is it important?
It’s so incredibly important to find time to invest in your relationship with the Lord, but it’s not always convenient. Often it means waking up before the rest of your team, or staying up later, or using your down time to hide in your tent or hammock. There have been months for me on the Race that I have done this well, and months that I haven’t. I can definitely feel the months that I don’t spend quality time with the Lord. Also, working in ministry is different than any other kind of work that I’ve done. My team can be full of great ideas for kids’ ministry or women’s ministry or sermons, but if we aren’t connecting with the Lord, asking what it is He wants to be done there, our best ideas will be fruitless.
How has your faith changed since being on the field?
My faith has become much stronger since I’ve been on the Race. I’ve had to ask myself hard questions that were easier to ignore back home. Questions like: Is God really good? Can He really restore and heal? Does God answer prayer? Where is God in the midst of poverty, abuse, and addiction? What do I believe about the Holy Spirit? Spiritual warfare? Battling those questions personally, through prayer, scripture, and experience, and having discussions with teammates and leaders, has fortified what I know to be true about God, and has given my more peace in not having answers for every question.
What is it like to hear God’s voice?
I don’t know how to describe it. Honestly, it’s flattering, to know that the God of the universe hears me when I speak to Him, and knows my name and answers me. It’s also usually convicting. He doesn’t usually tell me what I want to hear, but He says what I need to hear in a way that no one else can.
How does the language barrier affect ministry?
It makes things more difficult, for sure. It’s hard for me when we get into really relational ministry, like working with kids or women, because there’s so much that I want to say that I don’t have the words for. It’s not so bad when I’m speaking to an audience, because I can either rehearse what I want to say first or I can have a translator, and I don’t feel like anything is lost. It’s the hardest when I’m at someone’s house, having a meal or coffee with them and talking about life, because that flow of conversation isn’t the same. My Spanish is improving tremendously this year, so each month on the Race this is a smaller issue, but I’m still not fluent, so there’s a unfortunately a lot that goes unsaid.
Still, it’s amazing how far body language can carry you. In our third month in Bolivia, my team was at this church service in the middle of nowhere, in a congregation of 4 people outside of the Racers. At the end of the service, I hugged one of the little old ladies, and when I did, she started crying. She held me so tight for so long and just bawled on my shoulder. I didn’t know what was wrong, or have any words for her, but being that shoulder for her was enough. I learned later from our translator that her husband had recently died, and she was really struggling to keep her faith in the Lord in the midst of her loneliness. Honestly, even if I were fluent, I don’t know that any of my words could have been as useful as the hug I had to offer. Speaking with kids is the hardest, but I’m learning each month how far things like dancing, playing games, holding hands, braiding hair, and coloring pictures can go.
What do you think is the most profound thing God has taught you so far, and how do you think it will affect the rest of your life?
The most profound thing I’ve learned this year is just how useless my own intentions and abilities are if they don’t align with God’s. With that, being in constant conversation with the Lord to know where He’s leading is vital. Before the Race, I thought that was true, but now I see it so plainly. In conversations with people, in ministry, in the plans that I’m making for my future, everything is so much more effective if I’m checking them first with God and following his direction.
Do you want to come home yet?
(Question from Mom.) Some days, absolutely. A few mornings ago, I woke up and just knew that I was in my own bed at home. When I opened my eyes, I just saw the orange sides of my hammock, and I was so disappointed. But I only have 3 months left of this incredible journey, and I don’t want to wish them away. So home will wait, and I will enjoy my last few months as a Racer, because I know that even the really hard days are worth it.
