I went back and forth about whether I wanted to do the Race for months before I applied. There were several reasons for this, but fundraising was the biggest and scariest. I’ve had many friends raise funds for missions, and several who are full-time missionaries living on monthly support-raised budgets. It seems like every time I would ask “how’s support raising?” the response, among other adjectives, was “humbling.” This made sense to me, because I thought it would be humbling to ask people to support you, to finance your dream, to admit that you can’t start a great adventure on your own steam. It would be humbling to face opposition, to explain yourself to the people who don’t understand or support what you’re trying to do. And then, after all of your efforts to fundraise and get your story out, what if you fail? Serious humiliation. I considered all of this for MONTHS before applying, and thought I was ready, but I did not expect my fundraising experience to be this kind of humbling.
What I have encountered since being accepted onto the Race and beginning fundraising is this: crazy support from places I would never have expected, and little support from the places I did expect. When I first began fundraising with support letters and speaking one-on-one with people (or even just asking for addresses so I could send letters), I’ll admit I got pretty discouraged, and a little angry. I felt like there were some people who owed me, who weren’t stepping up to help me. People whom I had supported over and over again. Whom I had given money to, made meals for, bought wedding and baby gifts for, prayed with, shuttled to and from the airport at ridiculous hours. (Let me pause and say this: I do not mean this as an indictment. I’m just being honest about how I felt then.) I’ve always believed that these things come back around, that you do good for others and others do good for you, but I was feeling pretty abandoned.
The crazy thing is since I’ve started fundraising, I haven’t actually been worried about whether or not the funds would come in. I’ve heard too many stories about how Racers and other missionaries have been provided for, how money comes in in crazy and miraculous ways, to actually doubt that the same would be true for me. I just wanted the people who owed me to be the ones supporting me. I actually prayed that one day a few months ago, I said something like “God, I know that you will provide the funds for this mission trip, I just want you to do it through the people that I’ve been supporting all these years.” (I’m so embarrassed to be admitting this.) As soon as I prayed that, I was immediately humbled. I realized that I am blessed when I give to and serve others. That is a gift to me, to be able to give, and I experience something special with the Lord because of that. If I take that and hold it over others’ heads, like “remember when I made you dinner because you were sick? Now you can pay me back,” that taints the gift. That makes it a favor, and totally destroys the spirit of gift-giving. This business of being “owed” something–are you kidding me? I’m not owed anything, I’m ashamed I even went there! I heard the Lord say to me “I bless those who give, and that’s not your business. If you know that I will provide for you, your only concern is that I do it, not how I do it.” …ouch.
While that was a total blow to my pride, it has made me look at things in a different light. It’s true, I don’t know where people are spiritually. I don’t know what God is teaching others, how He is shaping them, or how He uses them to help others. And it’s not my business to know, or assume, or judge, nor is it useful for me to be angry or offended.
Here’s what I know: people that I barely know have been supporting me, and that’s crazy! People that I expected to be opposed to the whole World Race experience are some of the ones who are helping me the most. A few people whom I have never done anything for are not only giving, but also going above and beyond to spread the news about my trip and raise support from others that I haven’t even met. I’ve met several people for the first time just because of my fundraising, and have been blown away by their support. Strangers. Reading my blog and giving. It’s crazy, and exciting, and… yes, humbling.
