Yes I am at the end of my month in Nicaragua. Yes, this blog is about something I learned (am still processing) from Costa Rica. But I forgot I wanted to write this blog until today and it still seems to be relevant.
I saw this sign every day for a month. When I first saw it I thought it was just a cute way to send people off as they left church, or school, or whatever reason they were visiting the building. But one night this sign took on a totally different meaning.
If you did not gather from my other Costa Rica blogs, God and I spend a lot of the month in a struggle. Let’s rephrase: God was always there, ready to give me what He needed to give me and be what I needed Him to be in that time. I was the one who was blocking Him from doing what He wanted, what he needed to do. I finally had a breakthrough at the end of the month, but the moment I am going to describe happened before that. But I also think that having this moment allowed me to reach the breakthrough I did.
One Friday night while we were there Maria, the worship leader, gave an intimate night of praise and worship. It was just Maria, our team, our contact Katie, and our friend Roland and his parents. We turned the lights down, lit candles, and found out own quiet spots in the room. I ended up moving just outside of the sanctuary to the adjoining foyer. It was a powerful night where I was able to just reach out to God and talk to Him candidly and to hear his responses. It was during this time that I turned around and saw the sign
Gracias Por Su Vista
Translated it means “Thank you for your visit”. I do not speak Spanish well yet, but I needed no help translating what it meant. It hit me at that moment that I spend the vast majority of my Christian life visiting God. Not always to just ask Him things. Sometimes I would stop by to just spend time with Him, other times we would argue, and yes there were the visits where I just asked Him for things. I was not constantly living with Him. In my mind it was like we had two separate houses and I would go one visits, experience God, and then go back on living my life. I thought He was right there with me, but reality was I was not letting Him be right there. I still wanted to have control on so much of my life.
I just looked at that sign and wept. Until that moment I did not realize this is what I had been doing! But I also knew it had to stop. So that has been one of the many things God and I are working on this year, for me to move into His house and live with Him. To stop just visitingHim. Some days are better than others, but I do not think I am alone in that. It is different feeling, though, being with God all the time. But it is a good different and not one that I want to change!
