Training camp is 10 days of growth, bonding and preparation, and as a squad-mate reminded me a LOT can happen in 10 days because a lot happened during the 10 days of TC.
I think it was day 8 of training camp when we finish up team formations. That afternoon, my squad got together and my Squad Mentor Jeremy had us sit down. He wanted us to read over the terms and contract that we’d signed when we applied. He wanted us to read it again and pray about it and then when we’re sure we can say yes to it, to come up and sign it and then proceed to say “yes” and hug every member of the squad.
This memory will forever be ingrained with me because it was an intense moment. When you feel the weight of your “yes” and you realize what that means, it is intense. That though it may be easy to say yes now, you are actually telling your squad that when it is hard, and you are having an extremely rough day or week or month, you will still say yes. That when your teammates are being incredibly annoying and frustrating, you will still say yes. I knew that there would come a time when it would be hard to say yes, but I don’t think I could have imagined that saying yes would be this hard.
The beginning of this ministry I stayed back with those who were interceding. I did not go out to do ministry because it wasn’t the ministry that was heavy on my heart, but my team and the other team that joined us for this ministry. Every day I spent hours in prayer for us, asking God to guide us, strengthen us and give us the obedience to follow Him and listen to Him. That God would give us His eyes so we could see the world as He sees it. That God would give us His ears and His patience so we could listen to listen and not listen to respond. That God would give us His heart, so we would love each other and those we’re ministering to as He loves them. During this time, I learned so much about prayer and saw the evidence of how much God was changing me.
But during this time I also did not sleep well. I would toss and turn every night during that first week of ministry and after the second night of this, when that would happen I would pray then as well. My teammates asked me why I stayed back from ministry instead of going out like others, and I knew that until my heart could shift to feeling heavy for the ministry, I would be going out distracted and being pulled in different areas.
This past week, I felt that shift and Monday (the 14th) I was ready to go out and do ministry, only we weren’t to go out that night due to the Yi Peng Festival. As the days continued however something shifted. I became nervous about my health as I have had an adverse reaction to some of the malaria preventative medication I was taking and it didn’t stop when I stopped the medication. Now, because of this, I am still staying back as the medication I’ve been given to treat it and the reaction itself has made me light headed at times.
This has made me incredibly frustrated. Frustrated with myself for not being able to pour myself into ministry as I want, to be able to be present as I want to be, to pour into the people here as I want to. And it’s also made me incredibly homesick.
There’s something about being sick in another country that brings that on. Thai doctors may be the best, but communication barriers when you’re sick is not a fun experience. The homesickness I’m feeling goes far beyond just being sick though. I’m homesick because I don’t get to see my family back home for the holiday season or experience all the many traditions that my family has. I’m homesick for the anchor groups at my Lawndale church with the long conversations over coffee afterwards. I’m homesick for the conversations and fun times with my friends both in Roanoke and Greensboro. I’m homesick for everything that Thailand is not.
But amidst that homesickness and feelings of love I just want to give and show all of you back home, I know that this is exactly where God has placed me. That though the thought “I just want to go home” has gone through my head and been voiced, it doesn’t have the power to make me say no to where God has me.
God has me here in Thailand, with my awesome M squad, on my amazing team for a reason. For a purpose. So far, that purpose has been being blessed by my squad and learning to see the world in a new way. To live life on mission, not just because we have a schedule of ministry each day, but because there are so many opportunities to do that outside of a schedule. That purpose has been evident in how far I’ve come in being intentional with others, in walking in freedom and light, and the growth that has come through this whole experience.
I’m still homesick, that’s not a feeling I can just get over. But it is one that I choose to not have power to control me. Homesickness is something I know that whether it’s month 2 or month 8, whether it’s a summer camp for a week or a semester abroad, whether it’s 2 hours away or 9000 miles away, it will happen and it’s okay.
So, amidst it being hard. Amidst the feelings of homesickness that I have and the physical sickness I’m experiencing I still choose to say yes to God for placing me here in Thailand. I still choose to say yes to the World Race and all that it entails. I still choose to say yes to my squad and my team to do life with them.
I just want you all to know how much I love you and am so thankful for you. I hope you all are having a very blessed Thanksgiving week and that you will remember to bless others the way God has incredibly blessed us.
Till Next Time,
Kara Faber
