One of the things I have wanted more of is joy. Not just happiness that comes when something good happens. But the joy that overtakes sadness and bad days. The joy that pushes away doubts and fears. It's pure, it's lasting and it's deep. It's also hard to find.
I spent weeks and months asking for Him to fill me with His joy. Pages of my journal were filled with pleas for more. I was waiting expectantly for the sensation of joy to overtake me. But it never came.My pleas turned into accusations and my waiting turned to frustration. Why was He not giving me joy?
One day Papa brought a picture to mind. There was a hole in the ground, it wasn't very deep, just a few shovels of dirt had been taken out. And next to it was a shovel. It was as if He was saying, "if you want joy that runs deep, you have to dig deep."
You have to dig through all the fake top soil and the hard rocks of life. Past the deep roots of unforgiveness and hurt. When you get deep you have room for the His joy to rush in with healing waters.
I realized that He wasn't just going to give me joy. I had to allow Him to make room for it. I was too preoccupied with keeping up appearances and hiding my flaws and past sin. But once the first shovel full of dirt came out, the joy had room to rush in.
Digging deep hurts. Ripping out the rocks that have wedged themselves in our lives is not comfortable. Proverbs 17:22 says that a joyful heart is good medicine. He will bring His joy in and heal the wounds left. I have experienced that healing joy this month. I am excited to go deeper.
