“What lies before us and what lies behind us are small matters to what lies within us. And when you bring what is within out into the world, miracles happen.”
Henry David Thoreau
I was home sick.
I was bored.
I was missing the students and hostel family from Laos.
I was already over the ungodly amount of ants that invaded everything.
I was only a week in.
I knew it would be a hard month without wifi, with a new team, and living at our ministry sight.
You see, what happens when you live at your ministry sight is that the boundary lines begin to blur. It’s healthy to have a place to go back to that allows you to refill yourself without having to do ministry, but when kids live in the same building, it makes it quite difficult to find a place to introvert.
But I had an email waiting for me.
The email was from mom and Taylor. Which was clear when the subject line was a hashtag. “#Life”
They took the time to tell me what their days looked like. They described how going back to school after a holiday was, how registering for college was going, and just your average day to day things. It made me feel like I was there with them and still a part of what they were going through.
Near the end they filled it with encouragement to keep my ‘spirit train running’ and my hair clean (haha oops).
But the last sentence hit me harder than when I fell off a dirt bike in Nepal .
‘Oh and remember… You’re living your dream right now.’
And I was.
Since sitting on a twin bunk bed at 18 years old in Russia hearing the words ‘ 11 countries in 11 months’ for the first time, I immediately knew it was my dream and calling to do it. I knew that one day it would be me running around to different countries sharing the gospel and loving people the best way I knew how. And I trusted God to make it happen as soon as I finished my degree.
‘Man makes plans but the Lord ordains the steps’
This verse makes me laugh, because throughout my life I have seen how true that is. Yes He put that dream in my heart, and yes I tried to fit it in my perfect little life timeline, but the Lord finds a way to ordain my steps to align with His will and timing.
Around August of 2013 I had hit one of those ‘pit’ moments in life. Not a valley full of despair and darkness, but just a pit that I had stumbled into that felt like a dark place that made me feel like I wasn’t sure what I was doing with my life anymore. Few things were clear at that point- 1. I was sure that I was supposed to leave my beloved job. I don’t have answers as to why other than the knowing of what the Lord was asking me to give up. I just associated it with school and needing more time to focus on completing my degree.
And 2. I needed to finish this semester of school well.
But this time in my life seemed very dark, when I wasn’t attending class or doing observation hours I spent my free time binge watching Prison Break on Netflix and watching movies. I lacked ambition. I lacked motivation. The term ‘burnt out’ mulled over in my mind consistently as I thought about how long I had been taking college courses. I started with night school at the community college at 16! I was very thankful for those classes throughout high school though because it allowed me to graduate with 20 hours already under my belt! I thought I was ahead of the game, but then I chose DBU and their degree plan for an education major made my 20 hours look like a joke because I would still need to complete 150 more hours to get my degree.
By the end of the semester I would have 100 credits under my belt but the thought of having to continue on made my stomach churn. I know that getting my degree is within Gods will, but I still battled why I was feeling this way. I know that walking in His plans for me always felt joyful, full of passion, and just full of life. Surely hours on hours sitting on my couch watching tv and doing homework wasn’t all that he had purposed for me that year.
About a month into the semester the term ‘World Race’ popped in my head. I hadn’t thought of that in years because my plan was to not look into it until I finished school. I couldn’t shake thinking about it though so I went to the website.
That’s when I felt it.
The pull.
The pull on my heart strings as I read blogs about love.
The pull on my soul as I read about adventure.
The pull that made me come alive again with excitement thinking about what a wild and crazy journey that God would call me on!
I spent the next few months reading countless blogs and watching video after video of the crazy things God was doing world race and battling God with the idea of putting school on hold to step into something that was much greater than myself.
It was my dream to have blogs that spoke of crazy adventures, to be a part of videos that made people excited about what God was doing around the world, and just experiencing God in ways that you can only learn from being a part of different cultures.
And this was it.
Sitting on a wooden bench in our room in Cambodia, missing people from home, missing chick fil a, and wanting desperately to stay in a country longer than a month and hold on to the friendships that were just starting to really form. This is what living your dream looks like. Sometimes it sucks. But even in the moments where I just wish I was hanging out with my mom and sister watching hilarious vine videos, or shooting darts at a friends house, I wouldn’t trade this dream for the world. The Lord has provided me with the most extraordinary ways to see how he works.
In India I experienced God heal my heart and help me through the grieving process of losing my father and grandmother. I had my passion for children’s ministry reignited when I told bible stories using my phone for light in a dark room that had to be translated through two translators. I wrote my first ever spoken word and watched the Spirit ignite passion in people in the audience as I spoke.
In Nepal I learned to make space for ‘Ahmad’ which means to be still and just listen. I discovered that sometimes being a missionary looks like working in a Mexican restaurant or owning a beauty salon. The children in the slums taught me that love doesn’t need words.
In Thailand I had the chance to speak hope into the lives of girls who spent their nights entertaining men and stuck in the sex trafficking industry. I sat in a meeting between a company and a missionary as they made plans to bring food and find a way to provide shelter as well for hundreds of refugees. I watched as a missionary family met people at any hour, day or night, who were hungry for the gospel.
In Laos I learned that even in a closed country, the power of the Gospel can be spoken much louder through actions than through words. God confirmed my passion for teaching internationally by allowing me to teach English at a business college.
By the end of the month in Cambodia God taught me that I could love deeper than I ever though possible. That teaching kids that they are smarter than they believe or have been told brings me greater joy than anything else in this world. The Cambodian people taught me what true servant leadership was.
Vietnam taught me all about who I am and where I come from. I got to reflect on the halfway point of my race just how far I’ve come. How much braver I am. More confident. More kind. More generous. More loving. I made new friends who taught me what dropping everything to do something for someone else looks like. God showed me just how important it is to get to know my family, what kind of impact it will make to spend time with them and show them the Gospel.
And these are just a few things I’ve learned. I could tell story after story of how faithful God has been, how powerful the Holy Spirit is if you allow Him to move, and still not even touch the tip of the iceberg of how incredible God is.
I’m so grateful for this opportunity to experience God in ways I never expected. I have been stretched daily and grown exponentially because of all of these amazing chances to live each month in a new country.
But I wouldn’t be here without my incredible prayer and financial supporters. I owe this chance to living out my calling to each and every one of you.
Thank you for your generosity and willingness to pour into the kingdom!
If you’re reading this, I still need your help!
By the end of the month I need to raise $4000 to continue living out this calling! Any amount you donate is helpful!! If 40 people gave $100 I would be fully funded! Just click the ‘Support me’ link at the top.
