This is a ‘coming out story’. But not in the way you think.
Much love to my LGBT brothers and sisters, but despite some people’s doubts, I am straight.
This is definitely more of a ‘letting the walls come down and being honest and real’ with everyone type of coming out.
Recently I have had the incredible opportunity to write for an audience of girls ages 13-18! (shout out to Kyle for the hook up!) My role was to answer some anonymous FAQ’s that girls had sent in! I’ll post another blog later, but for now, I wanted to look at one specific question.
I was SO excited to have the privilege of writing/answering all the questions! I prayed that God would give me His words and try to insert a few comments that I felt were funny, witty, and clever.
However, I was extremely apprehensive about this question.
The very last question.
I dreaded it because I knew it meant I would have to be vulnerable. I would have to dig within myself and open up to the pain I had stored deep down in my heart.
I would have to face the emotions I had worked so hard over the years to put away.
“How do I deal with the pain of losing a loved one?”
So this was it. The moment I knew God would use my testimony to bring himself glory.
So how does one deal with the pain of losing a loved one?
My response:
I dread this question. Truly I do. Not only because having to respond to this question means that there are so many people who are hurting from the loss of losing someone but because this is a question that really hits home.
Daddy, please give me your words of peace to speak over whoever reads this.
At the age of 13 I lost my dad in a drunk driving accident and when I was 18 my grandmother (who was ‘my person’/best friend) drowned at a water park when the life gaurds failed to pay attention and perform proper cpr. Almost ten years later and I still grieve the death of my father. I still have bitterness. I still have anger. And the pain is still real.
But only because i’m choosing pain.
i’m choosing to continue to believe into the lie that I should never love someone because they will just die.
My family is pretty good about not bringing it up and talking about it, but when strangers or friends happen to stumble upon mentioning it I completely shut down and shut everyone else out. I’ve spent years building up an impenetrable steel wall the barricades my heart when necessary. And this is slowly killing me.
This is the first time i’ll even admit all of this too.
I’m learning that the only way to deal with the pain of losing a loved one, is to actually allow yourself to grieve. Talk about it. Share memories with your family, and allow them to share their memories with you!
It sounds impossible and not at all comfortable because it means you will have to feel pain, be hurt, and cry. But that is OK! If you don’t, the results are poisonous. It will creep into your relationship with everyone and eventually cause you more pain than if you had just allowed yourself to grieve to begin with!
So my advice is to find someone to talk to. A mentor. A grief counselor. A friend. A family member. ANYONE WHO WILL LISTEN. And pour your heart out! Pour out all of your emotions to God too! He can take it, I promise! Just read Job or Psalms, now talk about real and raw emotions!
This is not to say you won’t still have bad days. There will be some, and that’s alright too. When they do, talk to someone! The more you talk about it, the easier it gets to remember the good and happy times!
Be vulnerable with people, and even more so with God. He knows what it’s like to grieve. Jesus Wept. So let it out, and bask in the peace that will wash over you. A peace that surpasses all understanding.
